MockMom

MockMom: A satirical look at parenting.

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MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!

Withhold affection from your child, then one day begin to say the words, “I love you,” but never let the word “love” fall from your lips.

Forget Helicopter Parenting: 12 New Machine-Based Parenting Styles

Withhold affection from your child, then one day begin to say the words, “I love you,” but never
let the word “love” fall from your lips.

Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.

Are You Attending a PTA Meeting or Watching a Reality TV Competition Show?

Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.

we are thrilled to welcome Lilliana, our school’s first vampire student, to our Turning Fours classroom!

FAQs About The Vampire In Your Child’s Preschool Class

We are thrilled to welcome Lilliana, our school’s first vampire student, to our Turning Fours classroom!

I see you standing on the sidelines, your perfectly rounded potbelly accentuated by the sun glinting off of your gigantic gold chain.

Hey Angry Sports Dad, Maybe Chill the F$&k Out on the Sidelines

I see you standing on the sidelines, your perfectly rounded potbelly accentuated by the sun glinting off of your gigantic gold chain.

The only thing my son has learned from fourteen months of distance learning is how to turn a playground argument into a chat box argument,

Virtual School Helps Social-Emotional Growth, But Learning… Not so Much

The only thing my son has learned from fourteen months of distance learning is how to turn a playground argument into a chat box argument,

While it's important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us.

Protect The Environment by Using Paper Bags to Transport Gasoline

While it’s important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us.

You went through all of that trouble just to have a potential 30-minute break while your kid finds someone else to play with.

How To Avoid Other Parents At The Playground

You went through all of that trouble just to have a potential 30-minute break while your kid finds someone else to play with.

So naturally, I now have no choice but to walk into the ocean to embrace my fate as an old sea hag.

My Coworkers Are Too Young to Get My ’80s References So Excuse Me While I Walk Into the Sea

So naturally, I now have no choice but to walk into the ocean to embrace my fate as an old sea hag.

This letter will turn into a novel if I list all my missed opportunities in my twenties and thirties to refine my skills in forecasting the future.

Millennial Mom Apologizes for Not Being a Fuggin’ Oracle

This letter will turn into a novel if I list all my missed opportunities in my twenties and thirties to refine my skills in forecasting the future.

Whatever your toddler is drinking probably isn’t so very dangerous and poison control is tired of hearing from you anyway.

Guided Meditation For Parents Who Want To Be Chill, But Are Actually Ticking Timebombs

Whatever your toddler is drinking probably isn’t so very dangerous and poison control is tired of hearing from you anyway.

I Just Found Out PTO Doesn’t Stand for Pretentious Tw*t Offensive, and I Am Shook

If you want to be more involved in your kids’ education, you might want to start reading those emails instead of immediately deleting them.

All Minnesota parents will be able to opt-in to virtual parenting options starting this month under emergency order.

Minnesotans Soon to Have Hybrid Parenting Options

All Minnesota parents will be able to opt-in to virtual parenting options starting this month under emergency order.

“George doesn’t have to be curious all the time. Maybe sometimes he’s Angry George, or Ambitious George, or Sad, Confused, and Tired George.

Curious George Henceforth Known as “George” to Discourage Kids from Labeling

“George doesn’t have to be curious all the time. Maybe sometimes he’s Angry George, or Ambitious George, or Sad, Confused, and Tired George.

Where the siblings stumble upon the gingerbread house of a witch… but she’s not a hungry cannibal

Not-So-Grimm Fairy Tale Reboots for Non-Misogynist, Non-Maltreating, Non-Child-Eating Households

Where the siblings stumble upon the gingerbread house of a witch… but she’s not a hungry cannibal

“Cottonelle: We’re here to help you fulfill all your vandalism needs!” the ad proclaims. “Try our mega rolls for the ultra shenaniganning experience!”

Toilet Paper Sales Plummet as Vaccine Rates Soar

“Cottonelle: We’re here to help you fulfill all your vandalism needs!” the ad proclaims. “Try our mega rolls for the ultra shenaniganning experience!”

That doesn't mean that there's not still a sexy spark deep within my epiglottis that longs for the good old days of dating and fellating.

The Best Lipstick Shades That Say “I Used to Be Good At Blowies!”

That doesn’t mean that there’s not still a sexy spark deep within my epiglottis that longs for the good old days of dating and fellating.

Amaze! Quick and Easy Dinner Recipes So You Can Fake Your Own Death and Fly to Fiji

Who has time to work all day, clean up after kids, do the housework, rock in the corner and cry, make some impromptu Amazon purchases in the false hope that they’ll somehow restore purpose to your life, consider faking your own death and flying to Fiji, and then cook dinner on top of it all?

I guess I’m going to have to find another way to get my fitness on while simultaneously expressing my inner sexy beast.

I Got Kicked Out of Pole-Dancing Class Because My Spontaneous Orgasms Were Too Disruptive

I guess I’m going to have to find another way to get my fitness on while simultaneously expressing my inner sexy beast.

These brothel-like establishments are luring women in with empty promises of relaxation, fitness, and ‘escape’ time

Local Church Lobbies to Shut Down Hot Yoga Classes for Being “Too Provocative”

These brothel-like establishments are luring women in with empty promises of relaxation, fitness, and ‘escape’ time

The popular toy production company, known for its interlocking bricks and iconic “minifigures,” is being slammed for creating a “toxic environment for children"

Lego Slammed for Promoting Unrealistic Body Image

The popular toy production company, known for its interlocking bricks and iconic “minifigures,” is being slammed for creating a “toxic environment for children”

If there's one thing I care about, it's the gender of root vegetables!

I’m Mad About Mr. Potato Head Because I’m Weirdly Invested In Vegetable Genders!

I’ve added a pair of truck nuts to him. Because as a patriot, I think we need to stop not sexualizing children’s toys! THIS ARGUMENT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD!

The sales associate suggested that mall security guards check Eddie Bauer and Pottery Barn. “Or there are these stores called Talbot's or Chico’s. That’s where my grandma shops.”

Middle-aged Woman, 50, Reported Missing in Forever 21

The sales associate suggested that mall security guards check Eddie Bauer and Pottery Barn. “Or there are these stores called Talbot’s or Chico’s. That’s where my grandma shops.”

Without Kombucha, our lives would have been like all other boring millennials, focused on rising the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, and paying off the mortgage.

Reinventing Myself Through The Power of Kombucha

Without Kombucha, our lives would have been like all other boring millennials, focused on rising the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, and paying off the mortgage.

Should You Get The COVID Vaccine Or Trust Buck From High School

Should You Get the Vaccine or Trust the Guy Who Snorts WD-40 While Taking a Dump?

We are living in unprecedented times. There’s no question that Covid-19 has taken a toll on our mental, physical, and emotional health. The virus has shut down businesses, overtaxed healthcare workers, put a financial strain on small business owners, forced parents into the hell known as e-learning, and killed over […]

I LIVED IT: My Social Media Post Got Zero Likes

It started out just like any other day: I posted a selfie on Instagram and then spent about an hour mindlessly watching alpacas on TikTok.  But then, by mid-afternoon, I noticed something strange…Not a SINGLE person had liked my daily selfie. Not one.

Yet still, I couldn't fight the beast that swelled inside me, so I did the right thing and married the man.

Spice It Up by Inviting a Pastor to Read Leviticus While You Make Love Through a Hole in a Sheet

Yet still, I couldn’t fight the beast that swelled inside me, so I did the right thing and married the man.

Men are sexually attracted to their burnt-out, exasperated, at-the-end-of-their-proverbial-rope female partners now more than ever.

Is That a Banana in His Pocket or Does He Find Your Toddler-Booger-Laden Sweats Sexy?

Men are sexually attracted to their burnt-out, exasperated, at-the-end-of-their-proverbial-rope female partners now more than ever.

I don't think I could find my own literal asshole if not for the map app on my phone.

I Accidentally Left My Phone at Home and Survived (Barely)

I don’t think I could find my own literal asshole if not for the map app on my phone.

Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for unhappiness, even if you are the best mom in the world.

6 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other, Clearly Superior Moms

Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for unhappiness, even if you are the best mom in the world.

This guide will take you through the 32 quick and easy steps you need to help your child access their virtual learning experience!

How to Access Virtual Learning in 32 Simple Steps

This guide will take you through the 32 quick and easy steps you need to help your child access their virtual learning experience!

I DID chuck a chair, but I DID NOT intentionally hit one of the council women. I mean, I did hit her, I just didn't mean to.

I’m a Proud Hockey Mom And You Should Know By Now That I Won’t Be Silenced

I DID chuck a chair, but I DID NOT intentionally hit one of the council women. I mean, I did hit her, I just didn’t mean to.

A tendency to look for things orally which entails asking a female cohabitant where something is located instead of doing a more thorough search

My 408-Month-Old Can’t See Things That Are Right in Front of Him

A tendency to look for things orally which entails asking a female cohabitant where something is located instead of doing a more thorough search

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Neighbors... can't live with 'em, can't bump 'em off without serious jail time, amirite?

8 Ways to Dispose of Your Christmas Tree When You Hate Your Neighbors

Neighbors… can’t live with ’em, can’t bump ’em off without serious jail time, amirite?

What a year it's been! I got to know my cat better, specifically her cleaning rituals, and I became besties with my grocery delivery person. What. A. Year.

Peace and Love and…Oy

What a year it’s been! I got to know my cat better, specifically her cleaning rituals, and I became besties with my grocery delivery person. What. A. Year.

If your child would like to include a message you can simply add it in the comment box at checkout and Dale-the-intern will whisper it into the ether for Father Christmas to hear.

Pandemic-Friendly Ways to Get That Sweet, Sweet Santa Photo Fix

If your child would like to include a message you can simply add it in the comment box at checkout and Dale-the-intern will whisper it into the ether for Father Christmas to hear.

Yes, Santa’s magical powers enable him to creep on every child in one night, but we just don’t know if Santa has been washing his hands for the full A-B-C song.

Sorry, Kids, Santa Is Social Distancing This Year

Yes, Santa’s magical powers enable him to creep on every child in one night, but we just don’t know if Santa has been washing his hands for the full A-B-C song.

You have no obligation to cater to the unreasonable demands of the peanut gallery that you yourself created.

8 Surefire Ways to Get Your Toddler to Eat What’s in Front of Them

You have no obligation to cater to the unreasonable demands of the peanut gallery that you yourself created.

This moment is for us, and although I want to stuff it all inside my mouth at once, I pace myself and wait.

So Thankful to Deepthroat This Turkey

This moment is for us, and although I want to stuff it all inside my mouth at once, I pace myself and wait.

It appears though as if even the most involved helicopter moms have simply lost the will, and are willing to let anything fly in order to help their sweet Landon learn.

School District To Replace Teachers With Cam Girls In Attempt To Increase Size…of Attendance

It appears though as if even the most involved helicopter moms have simply lost the will, and are willing to let anything fly in order to help their sweet Landon learn.

Write so large that only one word fits on your entire worksheet, making your parent clench their fist tightly.

How to Punish Your Parents for Choosing The Distance Learning Option

Write so large that only one word fits on your entire worksheet, making your parent clench their fist tightly.

Nothing made sense anymore. We were told to reach across our desks and embrace the opposition, but how?

How Did We Lose the Most Important Election of Our Lifetime?

Nothing made sense anymore. We were told to reach across our desks and embrace the opposition, but how?

My heart overflows with love for those who have not yet ascended, however, it soars even higher when I think of how wonderful we are.

So Grateful to Be Better Than You

My heart overflows with love for those who have not yet ascended, however, it soars even higher when I think of how wonderful we are.

Eric and I, however, have forgotten how to sleep and instead spend our evenings trying to locate the lost dreams of our youth

Lauren’s Postpartum Bliss Blog!!!!!

Eric and I, however, have forgotten how to sleep and instead spend our evenings trying to locate the lost dreams of our youth.

When communication breaks down between a hyper mother and her very busy doctor, satirical correspondences ensue.

Dear Doctor Wilmer, Why Am I So Much Smarter Than You?

We take the health and wellness of our clients very seriously. Please accept our advice with your future health care providers and trust the expertise of medical professionals.

To atone for my past transgressions, I will delete my critical tweets, and formally apologize to all fans of Black Panther, which now includes yours truly.

I Watched “Black Panther” and Now I’m Not Racist

To atone for my past transgressions, I will delete my critical tweets, and formally apologize to all fans of Black Panther, which now includes yours truly.

Joy and merriment drip down into my teeth as I scroll past your pathetic #happyfallyall pics.

Watch Me Snort This Snowman Confetti

Joy and merriment drip down into my teeth as I scroll past your pathetic #happyfallyall pics.

I am not going to sit down and list my reasons for choosing the names I did. Gregory and I stand behind our choices.

Why I Am Not Going To Apologize For My Children’s Unique Names

I am not going to sit down and list my reasons for choosing the names I did. Gregory and I stand behind our choices.

Unfortunately, the bar has been raised by other parents-to-be and it is up to you to toss it up even higher into the air.

Three Completely Creative, Cute & Clever Gender Reveal Party Ideas

Unfortunately, the bar has been raised by other parents-to-be and it is up to you to toss it up even higher into the air.

I know that with your upcoming trial dates and indecent exposure charges, you will likely be kept fairly busy.

To The Man Masturbating On The Side Of The Road: I Have Questions

I know that with your upcoming trial dates and indecent exposure charges, you will likely be kept fairly busy.

As you hone in on the details of what is escaping their wordhole, you determine, "this is either a time share presentation or a college campus tour."

College Tour or Timeshare Sales Pitch?

As you hone in on the details of what is escaping their wordhole, you determine, “this is either a time share presentation or a college campus tour.”