MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
In the study, JoJo and Willow Branch cite 18 years of personal experience as their main source of data.
Several partygoers confirmed that Todd followed his mother’s instructions to a T. Just not, apparently, to a T-Rex.
I look forward to seeing your existence validated and vehemently protected and embraced under the pro-life umbrella!
As part of this law, men would only be allowed to masturbate under supervision, inside authorized medical facilities.
Medical personnel say they expect a full recovery and are prepping the woman for the off-chance that she is able to shower undisturbed
Thank you ever so much for the thoughtful gift. And for already having the cream to treat it.
Many 23andMe clients are surprised to learn that the kind of people who walk slowly in front of other people who have someone real to be have been around for hundreds of thousands of years!
Benning said now he’s out of proposal ideas and can’t afford another “grand gesture.”
Volunteer hours (15 per month suggested) are flexible and can be scheduled in one hour blocks from Monday-Friday between 2:00 and 3:00pm.
“I just needed strangers to push me over the social edge. I’ve seen the error of my ways.”
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Washington, D.C.— It turns out your farting may be making more than just your butt burn. In fact, all that gas you think you’re “passing”? Apparently it’s not being passed very far. Scientists recently detected an accumulation of human anal emissions trapped in the earth’s atmosphere. Earlier […]
By Susanne Kerns Thank you for contacting IDLE Travel Agency. It’s summer vacation planning time again! Parents across America are caving in to the social media pressure to plan an Instagram-worthy vacation that rivals all their friends’ European Extravaganzas last summer. We here at the IDLE Travel Agency know that planning engaging, international travel with […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Score one for nostalgia, because Netflix is bringing back Teddy Ruxpin, and we can’t decide whether we’re super pumped or scared shitless. The popular streaming company made the announcement late Sunday night in a press release that got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even a resurrected Xanga […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Hopkinton, MA — A mother of three is currently being investigated by Child Protective Services for forcing her kids to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap during a recent trip to the North Lagomorpha Mall. April Livingston says she was just trying to get a photograph of […]
By Siri Steiner of The Mommy Hack Amid mounting evidence that mothers in the US have among the world’s highest levels of stress due to lack of work-life balance and childcare support, the government will step in and offer more memes with Victorian-style women saying funny things. They may also include the kind with a 1950s […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars The final season of the popular HBO series Game of Thrones airs on April 14th, and it sounds like Winter isn’t the only thing that’s going to be (ahem) coming in Westeros. That’s right, people, WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO SEE SOME DRAGON FUCKING. Earlier this week, series creator […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca While washing her hair this past Tuesday, something happened to local mom, Jessica Stone, that would send shock waves throughout her community. Jessica, age 33, is a new mom of a sweet 8-month-old boy. She has settled into her new role as a mother nicely but does admit that she […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Get your Easter baskets ready, people, because you’re going to want to fill them when you hear about the latest flavor line of Peeps, set to hit shelves later this month. And you’re definitely going to want to keep these babies in your own baskets and out of your […]
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard Thirty-one-year-old dental hygienist Bethany Powell has achieved perfect inner harmony after hanging a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign in her living room. ”It’s been wonderful, really,” she states, smiling serenely. “I was so stressed before, you know? The kids, work, Joe’s work, the debt, the fucking neighbors across the hall who […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Lisa Denham, of Cellu Heights, NJ, found herself in a tight spot last week after she successfully put on her pre-pregnancy jeans, only to realize that she couldn’t remove them. “No, I can’t get them off,” the mother of three told us in a recent interview. “But I think […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars A shocking scandal is causing waves among YouTubers, preschoolers, and the entire gratingly-irritating animated underwater musical community. It turns out that YouTube sensation Baby Shark is not—as his Billboard’s Hot 100 hit song implies—the offspring of Mama Shark and Daddy Shark, but rather the triangular-finned bastard spawn of Mama […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca Inspired by her toddler’s most frequent mode of transportation from point A to point B, mom of 2, Linda Potter, decided she, too, would try running everywhere she went at full speed. For Linda, this all started as an experiment to see if she really had the stamina to sprint […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Punxsutawney Phil, Groundhog Day’s beloved poster woodchuck, is currently being held without bail at the Burr Row Correctional Complex in Punxsutawney, PA, on charges of being a “motherfucking fraud.” The arrest happened late Tuesday night after the Punxsutawney Police Department received multiple complaints against the now-infamous rodent. “We received […]
By MockMom For the third straight year, Bret McEntire has gone to O’Hara’s Pub to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, drink green beer, and use his same pick-up line: “Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?” McEntire tried this line on an endless string of women (and even a few men toward […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars It turns out the popular health trend of downing large amounts of celery juice has some dangerous side effects. Like inadvertent self-lobotomization. Sally Reeter, age 26, of Grand Crapids, MI, is in a coma after ingesting “an indeterminate amount of liquified celery.” “It was supposed to be cleansing,” said […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Mr. Brown Bear, of Eric Carle’s well-known children’s book Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? is in a dark place. And it has nothing to do with caves or hibernation. “I’m depressed,” he told us, sitting back on his haunches and grabbing a bear claw from the […]
By Karlie Holliday of Just Sleep On It A local mother was caught feeding her 2-year-old son dog food at Pinewoods Park on Tuesday afternoon. A visitor at the park claimed the child was walking around with a snack cup full of dog food. The visitor explained, “My daughter thought the boy was eating Cocoa Puffs, so […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Well, this is bloody brilliant. Tech power company Apple is taking steps toward expanding its business to include feminine hygiene products. According to a recent leak on the company’s Twitter account, the massive tech giant is hoping to specifically break into the business of stopping, well, leaks. And we’re […]
By The Mommy Hack A mom recently entered a deep existential crisis that verged on self-loathing after using the word “Bam!” to verbalize excitement regarding extra chocolate chips she was adding to cookie dough. The ill-advised quip was intended to channel the formerly-popular television chef Emeril Lagasse, whose star rose in the ‘90s but has […]
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard Jamie Sullivan, a 36-year-old mother of three, is stepping forward to share her recent harrowing experience after she neglected to change out of her work clothes immediately after returning home. “I still don’t know how it happened,” Sullivan states, shaking her head. “I’ve gone over it again and again. “Usually […]
By Elisa Cinelli of Mom Life According to Elisa Before even attempting to conceive, all couples should first become fully certified Montessori instructors. Full certification is really the only option if you don’t want to ruin your child’s entire life, and it costs about $6,000. Second of all, go to IKEA. The only way to raise […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca After years of justifying their half-assed entertaining efforts by saying, “Whatever, this is fine. It’s not like the Queen of England is coming for tea,” the Patterson family was completely caught off guard when the Queen actually did arrive, unexpectedly. To be fair, Buckingham Palace gave the Pattersons a solid […]
By MockMom Valentine’s Day is all about being with the one you love, and showing her how much you care for her. Unless you have kids, and then you’re probably reading this through tears because your sitter canceled and your kids won’t stop screaming. Fear not, we’re here to help you rekindle that spark. The […]
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard A disappointed woman is speaking out after purchasing an Instant Pot and having her life remain virtually the same. “I was going to start yoga. Or try that whole self-care thing. I thought I’d have so much free time now that I have an Instant Pot,” Tracy Simmons states. […]
By Sarah Jean of The Mom TruthBomb York, PA — A local mom is in the hospital tonight after she opened an upper cabinet door in her kitchen. It all started after her kids came home from another birthday party where one of the favors was a plastic sports water bottle. Her children got very upset […]
By Stephanie of RacingElephants In breaking news out of Wisconsin, Jeff Brown, top meteorologist at News Channel 12, has admitted to making up winter weather forecasts over the past decade. In our exclusive interview with Brown, he admits, “I got the idea when my son was a toddler and he would play ‘weather forecaster’ to be like […]
By Kristan Braziel of Bring Mommy A Martini New research shows that, contrary to popular belief, it is, in fact, possible to over-boop the nose of a puppy. In a study that spanned the course of 16 months and collected data from more than 142 puppies from around the globe, a specially-tasked research study by the Bismarck […]
By Britt LeBoeuf of These Boys of Mine A frenzy broke out at the local Target store on Friday, close to the store’s closing time. According to onlookers, two women were caught fighting over the last 3-drawer storage organizer left in the store. Reportedly, 35-year-old Cameron Reeves had chased 32-year-old Liz Case through the home goods […]
By Jacqueline Miller of boogersabroad.com Regional news reports have sent all of Southern Indiana into a panic. In just 24 hours, the region is expected to be blanketed with 2 to 4 whole inches of frozen precipitation, sending its residents into a flurry. In anticipation of the sure-to-be blizzard, snow plows were out pretreating the public streets and […]
By MockMom Trump offered his “alternative” State of the Union address from in front of a raging dumpster fire this week. The event took place after Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) blocked him from delivering the address in the House chamber while the government is shut down. “I told them they couldn’t stop me from delivering […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca Finally exhausted with humans’ bullshit excuses, the Moon has released an official statement denying any and all responsibility for issues that happen on earth when the moon is “full.”: I, the Moon, am done being your punching bag. Kids are being heathens? “Must be a full moon.” Dogs won’t stop […]
By Heather Jones New Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is no stranger to scandal. Recently, a video surfaced showing Ocasio-Cortez in college, dancing, like a college student. She looked happy, which is, of course, completely inappropriate for a member of Congress. “This is a disgrace to the office,” said one Republican. “Smiling is absolutely prohibited, and dancing […]
By Lauren Salkin of Think Spin There are many things to consider on your way toward achieving political domination, like who should be your scapegoat. Every dictator needs someone to blame for things like crime, pestilence, and misspelled tweets. Choosing your scapegoat In choosing your scapegoat, make sure they are from a minority group without a […]
By MockMom (In spite of the logistical and physical limitations of reality, we were able to obtain this excerpt written by a local cat, who wishes to be simply identified as “Max.”) Where to begin? There’s so much about human behavior that confuses me. The way you pretend to be nice to people you don’t […]
By Jen Mearns of The Undomestic Goddess Far in the woods, in deepest Appalachia, stands a school. Its surroundings are modest, but the school is top-of-the-line. It is a large, three-story brick building that houses a full staff of teachers, counselors, and students. It is not, however, your typical boarding school. The reason it’s not your typical boarding […]
By Vegansmoothiemama Whatup, mamas! Just your fave Instamom here, spending some glorious time at the playground with my amazing son AJ! I like to grab a few selfies at the front gate, just a little something to show that I’m a mom who’s all about activities. AJ doesn’t appreciate the value of my brand yet and pushes […]
By MockMom Grover here! Lately, there seems to have been a teensy bit of uproar around when I slipped and said Rosita’s idea was “fucking excellent.” Yes, I said it, but it was an accident. I got caught up in the moment and had been hanging out with Oscar earlier. But can I ask, what […]
By Marlene Kern Fischer of Thoughts From Aisle Four A family and community are shocked and stunned by the fact that their class valedictorian was rejected by his first-choice school: Harvard University. The young man, who wished to only be identified as “Andrew” so as not to further embarrass his loved ones, seemed like a shoo-in for […]
By MockMom A picture of a baby in a bear-style onesie posted in a local Facebook group has a lot of moms wondering if they should have an additional child of their own. Although Claire Lee Dunn, mother of three, was sure she wasn’t having any more, she couldn’t help but think that maybe she […]
By Kristan Braziel of Bring Mommy A Martini Trouble continues in a local neighborhood, where a mother is accused of allowing her daughter to walk down the street carrying her elf with bare hands in front of all the other children. It all began last week when the incoming text notifications of eight moms’ phones (and the […]