MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
Are you willing to trade a little taste and nutrition to feed your family’s yap holes and put everyone to bed already?
Richard Wetphart exposes a leaked memo that provides definitive proof that COVID-19 is a hoax.
a lot of you have been asking about my quarantine fitness routine (QuarFit by Anna), and I’m so excited to share it with you today! I KNOW that you can do it – I believe in you!
By Jillian Pretzel It’s a warm afternoon and I’m feeling hot. So hot, in fact, that I know I had to have it right then: frozen yogurt. I need to have that plain tart flavor in my mouth, those curves of smooth goodness, covered with ripe blueberries and smothered in seductive chocolate brownie bits. So, […]
Getting really excited by the idea of an activity and then losing interest as soon as it’s set up.
I looked in my review in horror as my child’s agonized face came to the realization that it was time. FIRE IN THE HOLE!
By Chad Baudet First of all, I want to say right off the bat that I think you mothers are awesome. I mean, wow, you gave birth to a child, or maybe more than one. As a man, I’ve been told that I shouldn’t try to relate any of my experiences to childbirth, but we’re […]
We’re not talking about an at-home spa day or a fancy brunch. We’re aiming much, much lower.
By Christine Koehring of TheSaltyMamas.com Let’s face it, quarantine is a weird time to be a Mom. Our kids are out of school, happy hours with our friends are done over Zoom, and we can’t sit on a park bench drinking coffee with our friends while we pretend to watch our kids. But there is […]
Come down to the kitchen and clean me. I’m waiting for you. We can be clean again. Together.
From now on, when and IF this ever ends, I have found a new form of self-care that can help me deal with the problems that plague us all.
By Mandi Em of Healthy Living for Hot Messes 15 healthy snacks to keep you fueled up while churning butter and cutting prairie sod for Martha’s rooftop Can bumping around in your wagon stimulate ovulation? We asked 10 women’s husbands if we could ask them and find out! Mindful milking- how your chores can double […]
As we started to run low, I started testing alternatives to toilet paper knowing that the end of our stash was coming soon.
Are you looking for a healthy, all in one meal for your picky toddler? Look no further! Just follow these twenty easy steps…
Ever since I read a coffee table book about meditation in 2008, I have recognized the immense importance of being spiritual.
A fledgling god gives advice to America in order to save them from the extinction they may very well deserve.
Within weeks, you could spot only tumbleweeds rolling down the paper product aisles. One could say, we were up shit’s creek without a paddle.
How would you like to be boiled alive and then fully submerged in a tub of dyes, chemicals, and vinegar?
12.) Should I cut my own hair? I will cut my own hair.
11:50 Unroll your family’s 3rd to last roll of toilet paper. Drag it through mystery puddle.
Read The Hunger Games, watch The Hunger Games, then live The Hunger Games.
“There must be some black-market delivery service out there that I don’t know about. I hope they wear gloves.”
Create a tapestry of despondence and self-loathing. Add human blood for a pop of color.
I like to apply the same principles to kids as I do to poker: always have a pair and a spare.
“We’d hate to suggest that talking openly and honestly about the female body is somehow acceptable.”
When asked why she didn’t report the incident to authorities, the woman quietly replied, “If you were a woman, you’d know.”
“We’re gonna keep on going until that sacrilegious bullshit is banned. And unlike that fruitcake primate, we’re not monkeying around.”
Maybe even better than what our guy-we’d-like-to-have-a-beer-with Elliot has is what he DOESN’T have (a vagina, for example).
Ladies, it looks like we finally have something to look forward to each month other than those stretched out yoga pants and heating pads.
We’re guessing that some man bitched so much to his wife about being sick that the virus couldn’t take its host’s incessant whining anymore.
Deck Cadet went the entire day in dry undies and even managed to deposit a stool sample within the confines of a Target bathroom.
Willy Wanker, head (giggle) of operations at Let’s Get Cocky™, says that his Penis Pals™ have been “selling like hot cocks.”
I breezed through the cereal aisle. Normally I have to field multiple requests for Sugar Smack Bomb cereal.
“That little green freak obviously works for the radical left. SORE LOSERS.”
She jumped up off the bed, gave all the medical staff a high five for fixing her problems, and left the hospital while proudly chanting her college alma mater.
Put a pinch of turmeric in your tea! Bake it into a cake! Snort it like cocaine! There’s no wrong way to consume turmeric.
How many organs have they eaten today? Were they meat or pianos? Are your pianos vegan?
“I can actually put my English degree to good use. Like, by wiping my kid’s butt with it.”
“Just burn those motherfuckers,” she stated in an article recently published in Kids Psych Weekly. “Preferably while your kids are watching.”
I just want to spend my February 14th in comforting, self-loathing isolation without having to worry about some insensitive jackass sending me flowers.
Nothing dismantles the patriarchy more effectively than a woman who has left the workforce. Did you know breastfeeding burns calories? Daddy will love that!
Decide to move to Norway. Hope everyone is willing to help get your son into his snow clothes! It takes a village and they’re into Democratic Socialism, right?
Make sure your chimneys and door frames are up to code. If not, Santa may opt to skip your home, you derelict trash.
Interested in shelling out your life savings for a barely-visible silhouette of the school janitor? We’ve got you covered.
“Before you do anything with your child, stop and ask yourself, ‘Did I read the online advice first?’”
It seems like every single kid in this group is gifted, but I think I read somewhere that only like 5% of kids actually are. Isn’t that weird?
“Did our other kids do this? Why are you looking at me like that?”
At approximately 3 am, the veil between worlds is thinnest, so this is a great time to go to the local Walmart and cast a circle in the parking lot to ensure yourself a space.
“Let’s wait and see where the facts take us. We don’t even know what role the baby played in making all this come about.”
Nothing says “Blink twice if you’re being held against your will” like this woman’s face from the now-infamous Peloton bike ad.