MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
Is July always this long? Why did we think working from home was a viable option?
As she was being interviewed, her son literally bumped into and then detoured around an actual trash container in order to hand his mother a dirty tissue.
I’ll high five your successes and admire your tenacity. But I ain’t buying shit.
When she finds out he likely has a very rare virus that paralyzes children, she’ll need to log into a parenting Facebook group where she’ll list his symptoms.
Today in a local Target, one mom said, “I am NOT telling you again,” and she actually fucking didn’t.
There has never been a case of a child being “full” and not inquiring about a snack to immediately follow the meal they just didn’t eat.
“We only had to listen to the recording once,” the head of the committee told us. “We couldn’t take another second of that shit.”
Look for parents who are always hitting, shooting, throwing, and/or kicking balls. Playing with kids might be optional, but bragging is not.
“Most of our menu items can be reused as paperweights,” he said. “Or passed along to kids to be used as high-end toy food.”
Maybe she’s just wearing a puffy coat. You’d be insulting her if you offered your seat and it turns out she wasn’t pregnant, but just had a huge breakfast.
You will think this is the most important day of your kid’s life. But you will learn that day comes later when you finally pay off their college tuition fifty years after, right before you die.
It seems that Pete Buttigieg is driving President Donald Trump up the wall. Or, rather, driving him to build another one.
They call themselves the RPAPs — Resting Peacefully Anonymous People. Each of the members smell of lavender oil and contentment.
My husband basically told me he planned to sit on his ass for two days, and then wanted to have sex 30-40 times in the next six weeks.
Ms. Wilde is grappling with the fact that she is the only one in her home who cares if items are put back where they belong.
As I tear an individual square to shreds and let it fall to the floor like confetti, I want you to stare into my eyes and think about nihilism.
Grudj said that she and her lawyer are hoping to see the case go to trial in the next month or two.
In the study, JoJo and Willow Branch cite 18 years of personal experience as their main source of data.
Several partygoers confirmed that Todd followed his mother’s instructions to a T. Just not, apparently, to a T-Rex.
I look forward to seeing your existence validated and vehemently protected and embraced under the pro-life umbrella!
As part of this law, men would only be allowed to masturbate under supervision, inside authorized medical facilities.
Medical personnel say they expect a full recovery and are prepping the woman for the off-chance that she is able to shower undisturbed
Thank you ever so much for the thoughtful gift. And for already having the cream to treat it.
Many 23andMe clients are surprised to learn that the kind of people who walk slowly in front of other people who have someone real to be have been around for hundreds of thousands of years!
Benning said now he’s out of proposal ideas and can’t afford another “grand gesture.”
Volunteer hours (15 per month suggested) are flexible and can be scheduled in one hour blocks from Monday-Friday between 2:00 and 3:00pm.
“I just needed strangers to push me over the social edge. I’ve seen the error of my ways.”
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Washington, D.C.— It turns out your farting may be making more than just your butt burn. In fact, all that gas you think you’re “passing”? Apparently it’s not being passed very far. Scientists recently detected an accumulation of human anal emissions trapped in the earth’s atmosphere. Earlier […]
By Susanne Kerns Thank you for contacting IDLE Travel Agency. It’s summer vacation planning time again! Parents across America are caving in to the social media pressure to plan an Instagram-worthy vacation that rivals all their friends’ European Extravaganzas last summer. We here at the IDLE Travel Agency know that planning engaging, international travel with […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Score one for nostalgia, because Netflix is bringing back Teddy Ruxpin, and we can’t decide whether we’re super pumped or scared shitless. The popular streaming company made the announcement late Sunday night in a press release that got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even a resurrected Xanga […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Hopkinton, MA — A mother of three is currently being investigated by Child Protective Services for forcing her kids to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap during a recent trip to the North Lagomorpha Mall. April Livingston says she was just trying to get a photograph of […]
By Siri Steiner of The Mommy Hack Amid mounting evidence that mothers in the US have among the world’s highest levels of stress due to lack of work-life balance and childcare support, the government will step in and offer more memes with Victorian-style women saying funny things. They may also include the kind with a 1950s […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars The final season of the popular HBO series Game of Thrones airs on April 14th, and it sounds like Winter isn’t the only thing that’s going to be (ahem) coming in Westeros. That’s right, people, WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO SEE SOME DRAGON FUCKING. Earlier this week, series creator […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca While washing her hair this past Tuesday, something happened to local mom, Jessica Stone, that would send shock waves throughout her community. Jessica, age 33, is a new mom of a sweet 8-month-old boy. She has settled into her new role as a mother nicely but does admit that she […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Get your Easter baskets ready, people, because you’re going to want to fill them when you hear about the latest flavor line of Peeps, set to hit shelves later this month. And you’re definitely going to want to keep these babies in your own baskets and out of your […]
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard Thirty-one-year-old dental hygienist Bethany Powell has achieved perfect inner harmony after hanging a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign in her living room. ”It’s been wonderful, really,” she states, smiling serenely. “I was so stressed before, you know? The kids, work, Joe’s work, the debt, the fucking neighbors across the hall who […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Lisa Denham, of Cellu Heights, NJ, found herself in a tight spot last week after she successfully put on her pre-pregnancy jeans, only to realize that she couldn’t remove them. “No, I can’t get them off,” the mother of three told us in a recent interview. “But I think […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars A shocking scandal is causing waves among YouTubers, preschoolers, and the entire gratingly-irritating animated underwater musical community. It turns out that YouTube sensation Baby Shark is not—as his Billboard’s Hot 100 hit song implies—the offspring of Mama Shark and Daddy Shark, but rather the triangular-finned bastard spawn of Mama […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca Inspired by her toddler’s most frequent mode of transportation from point A to point B, mom of 2, Linda Potter, decided she, too, would try running everywhere she went at full speed. For Linda, this all started as an experiment to see if she really had the stamina to sprint […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Punxsutawney Phil, Groundhog Day’s beloved poster woodchuck, is currently being held without bail at the Burr Row Correctional Complex in Punxsutawney, PA, on charges of being a “motherfucking fraud.” The arrest happened late Tuesday night after the Punxsutawney Police Department received multiple complaints against the now-infamous rodent. “We received […]
By MockMom For the third straight year, Bret McEntire has gone to O’Hara’s Pub to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, drink green beer, and use his same pick-up line: “Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?” McEntire tried this line on an endless string of women (and even a few men toward […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars It turns out the popular health trend of downing large amounts of celery juice has some dangerous side effects. Like inadvertent self-lobotomization. Sally Reeter, age 26, of Grand Crapids, MI, is in a coma after ingesting “an indeterminate amount of liquified celery.” “It was supposed to be cleansing,” said […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Mr. Brown Bear, of Eric Carle’s well-known children’s book Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? is in a dark place. And it has nothing to do with caves or hibernation. “I’m depressed,” he told us, sitting back on his haunches and grabbing a bear claw from the […]
By Karlie Holliday of Just Sleep On It A local mother was caught feeding her 2-year-old son dog food at Pinewoods Park on Tuesday afternoon. A visitor at the park claimed the child was walking around with a snack cup full of dog food. The visitor explained, “My daughter thought the boy was eating Cocoa Puffs, so […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Well, this is bloody brilliant. Tech power company Apple is taking steps toward expanding its business to include feminine hygiene products. According to a recent leak on the company’s Twitter account, the massive tech giant is hoping to specifically break into the business of stopping, well, leaks. And we’re […]
By The Mommy Hack A mom recently entered a deep existential crisis that verged on self-loathing after using the word “Bam!” to verbalize excitement regarding extra chocolate chips she was adding to cookie dough. The ill-advised quip was intended to channel the formerly-popular television chef Emeril Lagasse, whose star rose in the ‘90s but has […]
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard Jamie Sullivan, a 36-year-old mother of three, is stepping forward to share her recent harrowing experience after she neglected to change out of her work clothes immediately after returning home. “I still don’t know how it happened,” Sullivan states, shaking her head. “I’ve gone over it again and again. “Usually […]
By Elisa Cinelli of Mom Life According to Elisa Before even attempting to conceive, all couples should first become fully certified Montessori instructors. Full certification is really the only option if you don’t want to ruin your child’s entire life, and it costs about $6,000. Second of all, go to IKEA. The only way to raise […]
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca After years of justifying their half-assed entertaining efforts by saying, “Whatever, this is fine. It’s not like the Queen of England is coming for tea,” the Patterson family was completely caught off guard when the Queen actually did arrive, unexpectedly. To be fair, Buckingham Palace gave the Pattersons a solid […]
By MockMom Valentine’s Day is all about being with the one you love, and showing her how much you care for her. Unless you have kids, and then you’re probably reading this through tears because your sitter canceled and your kids won’t stop screaming. Fear not, we’re here to help you rekindle that spark. The […]