MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
“Apparently I have to wait until the puppy is 8 weeks old before it can be separated from its mother” she said, rubbing her sleep-deprived eyes.
“Shame about those Ugg boots she was wearing,” the ambulance driver later told us. “Coffee stains are a bitch to get out.”
I look so cute drinking it, almost like I could be in college! OMG, do you need to see my I.D.? Hashtag sorry not sorry, Ashley.
A Sephorror rep tells us that the shades offered will range from “ignorantly unsubtle” to “in-your-face obnoxious.”
Thanks again, and I look forward to not being available tomorrow, so you’ll have to go over all of this again with someone completely new! Have a great day!
The anonymity of being behind a computer screen gives her this inner-bitch she never realized existed before.
Maybe people weren’t hugged enough as kids. Maybe they were hugged too much.
By Ingrid Podwil Lately, there’s been a lot of great postpartum body positivity circulating the internet, like Meghan Markle not hiding her post-baby bump in her portrait with Prince Harry and their son Archie. I thought I’d add some neat tricks to the pile of postpartum positivity. 1. All my extra skin keeps me safe […]
Trump also cited Dora’s relationship with her friend “Map” as “proof that she and her monkey are definitely, almost 100% certainly not from this country.”
Other considerations for countertop placement included the empty juice container from the fridge and the empty cracker box in the pantry.
The truth is, I’m better without them. I longingly find myself tempted to stalk their known hangouts, but self-control gets the better of me.
To ensure that reality remains unclear and vaguely unsettling, constantly question your idolized infinitesimal’s preferences and activities.
Implementing these techniques and principles will ensure your future world leader will hum bars from Triumphs and Death on cue.
“My boys are 14 now, and they said ‘No way’ to photos on the first day of school,” Jacobs explained. “I was like, ‘Fine by me.’”
Curated Instagram Posts About My #SuperAmazingSpouseAndTheKidsIParentByMyselfSinceIDecidedToStayHome
Seven Years Later, and I Love Him More Today. Did I like my brain, the collagen in my face, our sex life, vitality, conversations, and a little time to myself more back then? I’m pretty sure I did.
Form a family band. It’ll be just like Mumford and Sons. Call it Momford and Son, and one daughter and one dad who could never make band practice.
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard The first support group meeting for people who hate wearing shorts in summer took place last week to an astounding turnout, filling the St. Ignatius Church basement hall to near capacity. “You can still enjoy summer and the hot weather even if you don’t like wearing shorts,” insisted Joanna […]
“No, I don’t want to role play Spiderman rescues Princess Leia for the fourth night in a row.”
I practically fell through the curtains to get a decent shot of her crowning. You’d think she could at least do me the service of returning my fucking lens cap.
Is July always this long? Why did we think working from home was a viable option?
As she was being interviewed, her son literally bumped into and then detoured around an actual trash container in order to hand his mother a dirty tissue.
I’ll high five your successes and admire your tenacity. But I ain’t buying shit.
When she finds out he likely has a very rare virus that paralyzes children, she’ll need to log into a parenting Facebook group where she’ll list his symptoms.
Today in a local Target, one mom said, “I am NOT telling you again,” and she actually fucking didn’t.
There has never been a case of a child being “full” and not inquiring about a snack to immediately follow the meal they just didn’t eat.
“We only had to listen to the recording once,” the head of the committee told us. “We couldn’t take another second of that shit.”
Look for parents who are always hitting, shooting, throwing, and/or kicking balls. Playing with kids might be optional, but bragging is not.
“Most of our menu items can be reused as paperweights,” he said. “Or passed along to kids to be used as high-end toy food.”
Maybe she’s just wearing a puffy coat. You’d be insulting her if you offered your seat and it turns out she wasn’t pregnant, but just had a huge breakfast.
You will think this is the most important day of your kid’s life. But you will learn that day comes later when you finally pay off their college tuition fifty years after, right before you die.
It seems that Pete Buttigieg is driving President Donald Trump up the wall. Or, rather, driving him to build another one.
They call themselves the RPAPs — Resting Peacefully Anonymous People. Each of the members smell of lavender oil and contentment.
My husband basically told me he planned to sit on his ass for two days, and then wanted to have sex 30-40 times in the next six weeks.
Ms. Wilde is grappling with the fact that she is the only one in her home who cares if items are put back where they belong.
As I tear an individual square to shreds and let it fall to the floor like confetti, I want you to stare into my eyes and think about nihilism.
Grudj said that she and her lawyer are hoping to see the case go to trial in the next month or two.
In the study, JoJo and Willow Branch cite 18 years of personal experience as their main source of data.
Several partygoers confirmed that Todd followed his mother’s instructions to a T. Just not, apparently, to a T-Rex.
I look forward to seeing your existence validated and vehemently protected and embraced under the pro-life umbrella!
As part of this law, men would only be allowed to masturbate under supervision, inside authorized medical facilities.
Medical personnel say they expect a full recovery and are prepping the woman for the off-chance that she is able to shower undisturbed
Thank you ever so much for the thoughtful gift. And for already having the cream to treat it.
Many 23andMe clients are surprised to learn that the kind of people who walk slowly in front of other people who have someone real to be have been around for hundreds of thousands of years!
Benning said now he’s out of proposal ideas and can’t afford another “grand gesture.”
Volunteer hours (15 per month suggested) are flexible and can be scheduled in one hour blocks from Monday-Friday between 2:00 and 3:00pm.
“I just needed strangers to push me over the social edge. I’ve seen the error of my ways.”
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Washington, D.C.— It turns out your farting may be making more than just your butt burn. In fact, all that gas you think you’re “passing”? Apparently it’s not being passed very far. Scientists recently detected an accumulation of human anal emissions trapped in the earth’s atmosphere. Earlier […]
By Susanne Kerns Thank you for contacting IDLE Travel Agency. It’s summer vacation planning time again! Parents across America are caving in to the social media pressure to plan an Instagram-worthy vacation that rivals all their friends’ European Extravaganzas last summer. We here at the IDLE Travel Agency know that planning engaging, international travel with […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Score one for nostalgia, because Netflix is bringing back Teddy Ruxpin, and we can’t decide whether we’re super pumped or scared shitless. The popular streaming company made the announcement late Sunday night in a press release that got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even a resurrected Xanga […]
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Hopkinton, MA — A mother of three is currently being investigated by Child Protective Services for forcing her kids to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap during a recent trip to the North Lagomorpha Mall. April Livingston says she was just trying to get a photograph of […]