MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
By MockMom Your virgin friend recently had a baby, and you’re probably wondering how to help. Here are some basic dos and don’ts to keep in mind when helping a mom who just gave birth (to Jesus Christ): Ask if she is OK with having visitors. Do not swing by […]
She has support from her husband and teenage daughter, but it’s too soon to tell if that will be enough to repair her psyche fully.
A local husband is very concerned for his wife, who claims to be exhausted despite getting a full night’s sleep. Doug Ellison, 37, says he first started to worry about her after he watched the kids one Saturday morning so that she could sleep in. “When we went to […]
By MockMom Contributors The Daily Wire, founded by Ben Shapiro and Jeremy Boreing (yes, that’s his real name), has announced that it will spend $100 million to launch its own kids’ network to rival “woke” Disney (also real). “We’re going to start making kids content over here at Daily Wire […]
Valentine’s Day is all about being with the one you love, and showing her how much you care for her. Unless you have kids, and then you’re probably reading this through tears because your sitter canceled and your kids won’t stop screaming. Fear not, we’re here to help you […]
In what matriarch Rosalee Edmunds is calling the result of “divine intervention,” everyone in the Edmunds’ family holiday photo has their eyes open. Rosalee, mother of 4 and grandmother of 10, had set aside 2.5 hours of her family’s holiday gathering specifically for the purpose of taking the family holiday […]
New mother Sandra O’Malley knew the excitement of having her first child would eventually wear off. She just didn’t expect what would cause it. Until three weeks ago, O’Malley, 31, had been happy ever since she had a given birth to her first child, baby girl Amber, six months […]
It’s recently been brought to my attention that I apologize too often and for this I’m truly sorry. Now that I’ve taken some time to reflect on my behavior, I can see where apologizing at least a dozen times a day might be excessive. The constant apologizing is mostly subconscious, […]
I’m dead, but my kids still ask me for a snack. It wasn’t enough that they asked before breakfast, during breakfast, after breakfast, six times before lunch, eleven times during lunch, two dozen times before dinner, right after dinner, right before bed, right after bed, and in the middle of […]
Sarah Miller, mother of three, recently inquired about where to get support in raising her children. “I was really just looking for some support without judgment. I was hoping to find people who could understand that I make mistakes and don’t have all the answers all the time. I […]
Dear Ms. Smith, We received your inquiry regarding exchanging the eternal damnation of your unbaptized son for your own. We appreciate your willingness to burn in the everlasting fires of Hell for your child; however, after careful consideration and review of your case file, we will unfortunately not be able […]
Other considerations for countertop placement included the empty juice container from the fridge and the empty cracker box in the pantry.
To the casual observer, Lonnie and Laura Barron looked like they had everything: a loving relationship, a beautiful home, lucrative jobs, the freedom and expendable income to go on vacation without having to buy the “family package.” But the thing they wanted most was a child to share their […]
A local mother was attacked by a group of senior citizens for taking her 6-month-old daughter to the grocery store without a hat. According to the police report, the victim, Paula (who asked that her last name be withheld) ran out of diapers on Wednesday and drove to her […]
Cleveland, Ohio — Since Brie Jennings, 34, gave birth to her daughter six months ago, it has been a daily struggle to find one word to encapsulate her feelings. “Each moment has been filled with elation, then fear, then frustration, followed by overwhelming loneliness, then a kind of dreadful […]
From Contouring to Delayed Vaccination Schedules, here’s a look at what’s hot and what’s not this week: IN: Dad bods. Chubby is still chic for dads. Who needs a six-pack on a man when you can have the whole keg? Amirite, ladies? OUT: Mom bods. Yuck. Unless moms show […]
ST. LOUIS– In a move that captured the attention of the entire playground, local mom Stephanie Lancaster reached the count of three. “He’s usually so good, but we skipped his nap today,” Lancaster tearfully justified of her son who wouldn’t allow other kids down the slide without knowing the password. […]
Local introvert Heidi Wells, having already spent a considerable amout of time quietly checking her phone, is reportedly “so fucking ready” for a playdate for her 3-year-old son to be over. The invitation for the playdate came after Wells made the mistake of engaging in eye contact with another […]
Letting go of clutter is not hard to do. It’s determining what is really clutter that’s the difficult part. I mean, of course that piece of paper with five scribbles on it that you’ve kept under the guise that one day you’ll put it in your child’s memory book as […]
When Brittany Katz woke up, she learned the man in bed next to her wasn’t who she thought. Katz, a 27-year-old dental hygienist from Arlington, VA, left a Halloween party with a man dressed as a doctor. She later learned that man was Josh Adams, a 32-year-old Assistant Night Manager […]
After a harrowing couple of months on the job as a customer support representative, employee and mother of two Amanda Byrnes finally mustered the courage to tell a particularly cantankerous client all the way off. “I had had enough of his complaining, berating, and downright inappropriate pontificating,” said Byrnes. “I […]
Of course Cynthia Brown of Knoxville, TN was aware of the dangers of buying and selling on Craigslist, but in a desperate attempt to get rid of the broken washer and dryer littering her laundry room, the mom took a chance. Imagine her surprise when the purchaser showed up, and […]
So you’re having a baby. Congratulations! No doubt 15 of your closest friends are already planning a Tupperware baby shower in your honor, complete with all the Jello salad and tuna casserole you can eat. But what happens after the crepe paper streamers come down and you’re left with a […]
The leaves are changing and there’s a chill in the air. It’s the perfect time to cozy up to a feline companion, stroke him soothingly, and then drape him over your neck like a scarf. If Mr. Jingles proves cooperative, you can even wear him as a hat. Cat-wearing is […]
Don’t even waste your energy on complaining about the mess, as this will only throw off your concentration.
By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin Mama RALEIGH, NC ⏤ Mom of three, Halley Miller, who works full time and until recently was virtual schooling all of her kids, took a much-needed break from cleaning and was promptly buried alive by all the crap her family produced in ONE week during […]
Although everyone’s journey into polyamory is probably different, mine started with 10 years of being the primary partner in charge of all-things domestic, including cooking, cleaning, and shopping. I needed a break. I just wanted to sit down for 30 minutes to read a damn book. And that meant bringing […]
Withhold affection from your child, then one day begin to say the words, “I love you,” but never
let the word “love” fall from your lips.
Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.
We are thrilled to welcome Lilliana, our school’s first vampire student, to our Turning Fours classroom!
The only thing my son has learned from fourteen months of distance learning is how to turn a playground argument into a chat box argument,
While it’s important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us.
You went through all of that trouble just to have a potential 30-minute break while your kid finds someone else to play with.
So naturally, I now have no choice but to walk into the ocean to embrace my fate as an old sea hag.
This letter will turn into a novel if I list all my missed opportunities in my twenties and thirties to refine my skills in forecasting the future.
Whatever your toddler is drinking probably isn’t so very dangerous and poison control is tired of hearing from you anyway.
If you want to be more involved in your kids’ education, you might want to start reading those emails instead of immediately deleting them.
All Minnesota parents will be able to opt-in to virtual parenting options starting this month under emergency order.
“George doesn’t have to be curious all the time. Maybe sometimes he’s Angry George, or Ambitious George, or Sad, Confused, and Tired George.
Where the siblings stumble upon the gingerbread house of a witch… but she’s not a hungry cannibal
“Cottonelle: We’re here to help you fulfill all your vandalism needs!” the ad proclaims. “Try our mega rolls for the ultra shenaniganning experience!”
That doesn’t mean that there’s not still a sexy spark deep within my epiglottis that longs for the good old days of dating and fellating.
Who has time to work all day, clean up after kids, do the housework, rock in the corner and cry, make some impromptu Amazon purchases in the false hope that they’ll somehow restore purpose to your life, consider faking your own death and flying to Fiji, and then cook dinner on top of it all?
I guess I’m going to have to find another way to get my fitness on while simultaneously expressing my inner sexy beast.
These brothel-like establishments are luring women in with empty promises of relaxation, fitness, and ‘escape’ time
The popular toy production company, known for its interlocking bricks and iconic “minifigures,” is being slammed for creating a “toxic environment for children”
I’ve added a pair of truck nuts to him. Because as a patriot, I think we need to stop not sexualizing children’s toys! THIS ARGUMENT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD!
The sales associate suggested that mall security guards check Eddie Bauer and Pottery Barn. “Or there are these stores called Talbot’s or Chico’s. That’s where my grandma shops.”
Without Kombucha, our lives would have been like all other boring millennials, focused on rising the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, and paying off the mortgage.
We are living in unprecedented times. There’s no question that Covid-19 has taken a toll on our mental, physical, and emotional health. The virus has shut down businesses, overtaxed healthcare workers, put a financial strain on small business owners, forced parents into the hell known as e-learning, and killed over […]