MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!
What good is eating food if you can’t do so in a way that makes you feel far superior to all of your lowly, carb-indulgent Facebook friends?
As Stephanie was delivering her placenta, a nurse looked at her with a wide smile and asked, “So, when are you guys thinking about baby #2?”
Timely: Organize books by estimated time-to-read to keep bedtimes consistent and avoid fights about whether or not he just did ten minutes of reading.
“We can’t just go on allowing people to put artificial creamers in their coffee,” she said. “That shit is poison.”
A baby may be hungry or need soothing, but someone’s husband (probably Karen’s) may see a nip for a split second. Don’t be a homewrecker.
People don’t understand that you can train your kid to properly react to being propelled in an accident so that the car seat actually becomes unnecessary.
Make sure your Facebook app is up-to-date. We can’t help you break free of Facebook if you’re using an outdated version of our app.
10. Finish decorating my underground bunker. Stock up on food that doesn’t expire and bottled water.
Dear Emperor Palpatine, Let’s work out a good deal!
By Sarah Jean of Mom Truth Bomb FLORENCE, SC – Thirty-eight year old mother of four, Laura Krause, didn’t know how to react when she made the discovery last Friday afternoon that everything on her to-do list had been completed. In utter disbelief, she checked her list a second, third, and fourth time, coming to […]
All monies in support of the GoFundMe page mentioned in this article will be used for disadvantaged families who can’t post their lives on social media.
Zist says that the sales projections for Trump-or-Treat bars are “very, very good, and really, really not bad.”
Everything you bring must be certified organic and made in America. Performance art, including 100 farts on command, don’t count for this assignment.
A neglected port-a-potty: It’s probably less full of shit than Trump.
“Eating rocks has literally changed my life. I tried swallowing an entire geode and inadvertently died, and now I no longer feel trapped in a body I don’t love.”
As part of their new school supply line, you’ll find things like vagina erasers, kevlar backpacks with studded dick zipper-pulls, and pencil sharpeners that give you polka dot stamp-herpes.
Let this be a lesson to all parents – mocking your kids could bring about the end of civilization as we know it.
“Apparently I have to wait until the puppy is 8 weeks old before it can be separated from its mother” she said, rubbing her sleep-deprived eyes.
“Shame about those Ugg boots she was wearing,” the ambulance driver later told us. “Coffee stains are a bitch to get out.”
I look so cute drinking it, almost like I could be in college! OMG, do you need to see my I.D.? Hashtag sorry not sorry, Ashley.
A Sephorror rep tells us that the shades offered will range from “ignorantly unsubtle” to “in-your-face obnoxious.”
Thanks again, and I look forward to not being available tomorrow, so you’ll have to go over all of this again with someone completely new! Have a great day!
The anonymity of being behind a computer screen gives her this inner-bitch she never realized existed before.
Maybe people weren’t hugged enough as kids. Maybe they were hugged too much.
By Ingrid Podwil Lately, there’s been a lot of great postpartum body positivity circulating the internet, like Meghan Markle not hiding her post-baby bump in her portrait with Prince Harry and their son Archie. I thought I’d add some neat tricks to the pile of postpartum positivity. 1. All my extra skin keeps me safe […]
Trump also cited Dora’s relationship with her friend “Map” as “proof that she and her monkey are definitely, almost 100% certainly not from this country.”
Other considerations for countertop placement included the empty juice container from the fridge and the empty cracker box in the pantry.
The truth is, I’m better without them. I longingly find myself tempted to stalk their known hangouts, but self-control gets the better of me.
To ensure that reality remains unclear and vaguely unsettling, constantly question your idolized infinitesimal’s preferences and activities.
Implementing these techniques and principles will ensure your future world leader will hum bars from Triumphs and Death on cue.
“My boys are 14 now, and they said ‘No way’ to photos on the first day of school,” Jacobs explained. “I was like, ‘Fine by me.’”
Curated Instagram Posts About My #SuperAmazingSpouseAndTheKidsIParentByMyselfSinceIDecidedToStayHome
Seven Years Later, and I Love Him More Today. Did I like my brain, the collagen in my face, our sex life, vitality, conversations, and a little time to myself more back then? I’m pretty sure I did.
Form a family band. It’ll be just like Mumford and Sons. Call it Momford and Son, and one daughter and one dad who could never make band practice.
By Samantha Labriola of Mother Haggard The first support group meeting for people who hate wearing shorts in summer took place last week to an astounding turnout, filling the St. Ignatius Church basement hall to near capacity. “You can still enjoy summer and the hot weather even if you don’t like wearing shorts,” insisted Joanna […]
“No, I don’t want to role play Spiderman rescues Princess Leia for the fourth night in a row.”
I practically fell through the curtains to get a decent shot of her crowning. You’d think she could at least do me the service of returning my fucking lens cap.
Is July always this long? Why did we think working from home was a viable option?
As she was being interviewed, her son literally bumped into and then detoured around an actual trash container in order to hand his mother a dirty tissue.
I’ll high five your successes and admire your tenacity. But I ain’t buying shit.
When she finds out he likely has a very rare virus that paralyzes children, she’ll need to log into a parenting Facebook group where she’ll list his symptoms.
Today in a local Target, one mom said, “I am NOT telling you again,” and she actually fucking didn’t.
There has never been a case of a child being “full” and not inquiring about a snack to immediately follow the meal they just didn’t eat.
“We only had to listen to the recording once,” the head of the committee told us. “We couldn’t take another second of that shit.”
Look for parents who are always hitting, shooting, throwing, and/or kicking balls. Playing with kids might be optional, but bragging is not.
“Most of our menu items can be reused as paperweights,” he said. “Or passed along to kids to be used as high-end toy food.”
Maybe she’s just wearing a puffy coat. You’d be insulting her if you offered your seat and it turns out she wasn’t pregnant, but just had a huge breakfast.
You will think this is the most important day of your kid’s life. But you will learn that day comes later when you finally pay off their college tuition fifty years after, right before you die.
It seems that Pete Buttigieg is driving President Donald Trump up the wall. Or, rather, driving him to build another one.
They call themselves the RPAPs — Resting Peacefully Anonymous People. Each of the members smell of lavender oil and contentment.
My husband basically told me he planned to sit on his ass for two days, and then wanted to have sex 30-40 times in the next six weeks.