It’s that time of year again, ladies. It’s the time when we go through the racks of our local malls, declaring, “What fresh hell is this?” That’s right: It’s swimsuit season. And guess what? This year’s suits are even uglier and more impractical than they were in 2017. I have wondered in vain why designers […]
Beauty/Fashion
The New Leave Me Alone Sweater Is the Answer to Most of Your Problems
You know how sometimes you go into Facebook or IG or Twitter, and you’re already bitter because you know the general suckage of society will overwhelm your feed, so you whisper to yourself, Come on, world. Tell me something good… Well, here it is. Here is something good that will help you face your days […]
New Study Finds McDonald’s Fries Can Cure Baldness (Kind Of)
Stem cell researchers at Yokohama National University in Japan have developed a possible treatment for hair loss. Dimethylpolysiloxane, a silicone added to McDonald’s fries, was used to regrow hair on lab mice. When tested on human skin cells, researchers were able to grow hair follicle germs (HFG), which are the building blocks for new hair […]
Why I Can’t Wear Nice Things: A Mommy Tale
By Jessica Hernandez Before I had kids, I used to love the show What Not to Wear. The premise was simple: some dumpy schlub got outed as a fashion reprobate by her friends. In return for the humiliation, she got $10,000 worth of fabulous new duds. A staple guest on the show was the Frumpy Mom. […]
Penis Whitening Is Now a Thing and Headed to a Plastic Surgeon Near You
Because men can’t stop obsessing about the junk between their legs, penis whitening is now a thing. If he who is born with a penis is willing to travel to Lelux Hospital in Bangkok—the joke is not lost on me either—spend $650 and subject said thing to five laser treatments, then he can have the […]
Zales Is Selling a Penis-Shaped Safety Pin Pendant and Somehow Nobody Realized This Was a Bad Idea
If you’re stuck on a last-minute gift idea for that someone special, why not get her a diamond-encrusted, penis-shaped heart-shaped safety pin pendant that apparently nobody on the production team at Zales realized might be a bad idea? Even better? This one-of-a-kind critical error in judgment is on sale, down from its original $89 to […]
Now You Can Spend $900 to Look Like You For Sure DGAF Anymore
If you’ve been waiting for just the dress to say, “I’ve given up on life so much, I don’t even have the energy to take the plastic wrap off my dry-cleaning before wearing,” never fear because Moschino has got you covered. For the bargain price of $895 and your last shred of humanity, you can […]
What the Elf? The Latest Male Romper Trend Is Taking On Christmas
Tired of wearing that same old tacky Christmas sweater that lights up year after year? Looking for a gift for the man who has everything? Want to add a bit of spice to your Christmas morning onesie tradition? US retail company, Get On Fleek, has what you never knew you needed this holiday season. Apparently […]