You know what I thought when I woke up this morning? What I really need is a stiff labial flossing. Something to really get in there. I’m tired of full-coverage cloth. Put this tuna in a net!
And omg, thank goodness my Facebook app is a mind-reader because right there, front and center in my feed, was retailer Bras and Things to the rescue with an ad for its Hollywood Glam bra and panty set.
Behold, posted with the caption: “Say hello to the gift that keeps on giving: our Hollywood Glam set. She returns in gold with heart shaped hardware in all the right places.”
Now, I don’t know whose places this is right for or what this gift keeps on giving exactly besides cha cha chafe, but you can count me in!
Are my nipples supposed to go between the hearts or beneath them? WHO CARES IT COMES WITH EARRINGS!
And my fox fur? Let that fupa flow freely, babe. Ain’t no caging my animal in these!
What woman doesn’t wanna feel like a Honeybaked Ham on Christmas morning?
Lots, apparently, at least according to the hilarious commenters who took the time to tickle our taints (much like that bra and panty set there) with their reactions. Some of our favorites:
“Give your significant other the gift of a cervix floss this Christmas.”
“Nothing beats a good ol’ flap flossing….”
“When your lady parts are trying to be cute”
“Me: How can I feel more unattractive semi-naked? Bras N Things: I got you sis.”
“Where does my vag go? “
“Me: Man I wish I looked more like a Christmas ham. Bras N Things: Hold my beer”
“ladies, please do not walk into woolies wearing this ‘security to the deli please, the Italian salami is on the run'”
“I’ve always wanted underwear you don’t have to remove to go to the toilet thank goodness for those adjustable straps on the hips too!”
“I wonder if you pull on each section it will go off with a bang like the inside of a Christmas cracker “
“Always fantasised being a pork roast “
“What in the boneless roast is that”
“$90 to look like a roast pork”
“This, but in human form everytime you breath, bend over, sneeze, or cough…….”
“Jesus take the wheel… there was more material used in my kids macrame pot hanger art project and it only had to support four kilos. How the hell do you think women are meant to contain fifty plus kilos of fat, flaps and flab in this horrendous get-up? Also, I really love how you added the earrings to compliment this outfit, cause I’d have felt totally underdressed without them!”
“Can’t wait to approach hubby concealing it under a large dressing gown, ask him if somebody ordered a delivery of roast ham, only to dramatically strip off in front of him and start twerking to ‘down down, prices are down'”
“It like when you wear your face mask but with your nose sticking out.”
“As a pregnant woman who has had babies before, I’ve never felt more inclined to look like a Christmas ham, my fupa would eat the underwear just like the crackle eats the cooking rope on the pork “
“I don’t want to brag but I’ve just had my 4th kid a week ago and a cesarean hysterectomy and I could totally still fit those ear rings “
“Think you need to lower the price, I can pick up a nice rolled pork for $26 bucks and the outer string would have the same affect as this outfit!”
“Ohh! Thats where i left my dental floss!”
If this is what we’re selling these days, somebody get me some twine, I’m about to DIY this tonsil-tickler. Get ready, Etsy! Coochie coil a’comin’!
To check out the full comment thread, click here.