Yeah, hi, police? I’d like to request a welfare check on Gen Z.
I guess undereye circles are in now. At least that’s what the kids say.
And they’re not just embracing what their mamas gave ’em. Oh, no. They’re actually going out of their way to apply dark circles to their undereye areas with makeup. ON PURPOSE. (Well, according to The Cut and the Tik-Tok they are.)
@saracarstens#duet with @sarathefreeelf #teenvogue♬ Greek Tragedy (Oliver Nelson TikTok Remix) – The Wombats
I’m sorry, but I did not spend $3.99 on Wet ‘n Wild concealer every few months of my entire adult life to be told these summer hatchlings have suddenly decided Uncle Fester is en vogue.
You do not get to choose to have undereye circles. Undereye circles choose you, MacKinsleigh.
You have to earn your undereye circles, Braxlynn.
How many nights have you rocked in the corner of a bathroom without sleep as tiny humans scream their lungs out for you to feed them, change them, love them, feed them some more, Ambrosiaclaire?
How many times have you prepared a whole meal of food for an entire family of ingrates while dodging LEGOs on the floor and cleaning up dog puke in the corner after a full day’s work and, GREAT, somebody used the butter to finger-paint the wall, Pippalaide?
How many times have you lost your everloving shit on someone because they refuse to change their underwear, the dryer ate yet another sock, and if you don’t leave 5 minutes ago, you’ll be in the car line for school drop-off until next Tuesday, Lulajoy?
How many hours have you sat at a table, wondering why you were in such a hurry to grow up and pay these bills, Haisleighzette?
Undereye circles are a BADGE OF HONOR. You have to see and live some shit to really own them. You don’t get to just decide to look like the undead. You have to be the undead, Annabelleise.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go figure out what that smell is and omgreally, why is this wet??? WITH MY UNDEREYE CIRCLES THAT I EARNED.