Have you ever thought, “Hey, driving is difficult, and parenting is difficult- if only there was a way to combine them?” Well, probably not because you probably aren’t a masochist. And yet, the car line exists!
The car line is that special place where dreams of being a calm and gentle parent/driver go to idle, then die. It’s a place where you can see survival of the fittest in action. How can so many people be getting it so wrong? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG, KATHY! ORDER. MATTERS.
The car line is where you can see that you don’t need brains to procreate. The car line is where you’re infinitely tested. The car line is where you go to drop off your kids dressed like a thrift store reject pile.
The car line should be a place of order and rules, yet it often can feel like a lawless no-man’s land, where driving best practices and common human decency simply don’t exist. It’s like a whole other dimension of fuckery and frustration. If Hell is an amusement park, there is most definitely a car line ride.
However, it’s a great way to lead by example. Show your kids that rules and order matter. Show them how to stay calm. Teach them that mama don’t play when it comes to car line brawls… no, wait…
If the car line is frustrating for you, then you can at least take solace in the fact that you aren’t alone. Here is what the funny parents of Twitter have to say about the absolute shitshow that is the car line!
12 Tweets About The School Car Line To Read While You Idle
1. It’s where you learn to get in touch with your emotions
There's no room in my heart for hate. The Elementary School parking lot and everyone in it took that space long ago.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) January 20, 2017
2. It’s a place where time drags on… and on, and on
I’m not saying that having kids is causing me to waste portions of my life, but I’ve clocked like 200 hours in the car loop and I could have my pilots license by now.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) January 31, 2019
3. It’s where you learn things about yourself
If you can't point to the hot mess at school drop off, it might be you.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 17, 2017
4. It’s a place where rules should be followed
Hey car rider line, we’re beads on a necklace not cookie dough on a baking sheet. Tighten it up.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) January 7, 2019
5. A place where you can show your bangin’ personality
*drops kid off at school*
*turns up volume and loudly sings along to Disney's Descendants soundtrack*
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 22, 2016
6. A place to keep things brief, for the love
Sweet chit chat.
Multiple I love you's.
These life moments are NOT for the school drop off line.
Let's move it, people.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) August 31, 2018
7. It’s a place for constructive criticism
Having kids is fun because instead of planning where you’re going to go out partying on Friday night, you’re stuck in the pickup line at school, eating Twizzlers and shouting, That’s not how you merge, Karen.”
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) January 12, 2018
8. A place to get tough love’d when it comes to time management
School gets out at 2:15 so if you don't get in the pickup line by 1:00 you don't love your kid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2016
9. A place to be free
"My music so loud
They hopin that they gonna catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty"
– braless me at school drop off
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) October 18, 2017
10. And to show where you really belong on the food chain
Rats can solve complex mazes to get a snack but adult humans can’t figure out the damn school pickup line to get their kids.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 31, 2018
11. The car line is THE place to be petty
I will connect my car to the bumper of the car in front of me before I let you cut in the school drop off line.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 2, 2018
12. And the place where garbage clothes are pretty
If you think I won’t wear an oversized hoodie instead of a bra for school drop off, I’d like to thank you for your misplaced faith in me.
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) November 6, 2017
Did you read this in the car line to distract yourself from losing your shit?
Pay it forward by sharing with a friend to distract them from losing theirs!