How to Help a Mom Who Just Gave Birth (To the Son of God)

By MockMom

Your virgin friend recently had a baby, and you’re probably wondering how to help. Here are some basic dos and don’ts to keep in mind when helping a mom who just gave birth (to Jesus Christ):

Ask if she is OK with having visitors. Do not swing by the barn unannounced! And if she says yes, don’t take that as an invitation for the entire family. There is barely enough room for the kings, shepherds, hosts of angels, and various farm animals.

Remember to wash your hands and ask before you touch Christ. Above all else, do not kiss the baby Jesus! You carry germs that newborns ⏤ even the Saviors of our earthly sins ⏤ can’t handle.

If you’re going to get a gift, make it practical. Gold, frankincense, and myrrh are nice but maybe stick to the registry instead. If you don’t have a present, that’s OK too! But definitely do NOT offer the new mom and baby a 5-minute drum solo in lieu of a gift.

Jump in to help! If you ask her if she needs help, she might feel overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done (i.e. Raise the Man who will raise from the dead) and not know where to start. If the manger needs new hay, just change it. If the donkey needs to go out, take it for a quick walk.

Let her take the lead on sharing any details of the Birth. She doesn’t need your unsolicited advice; she got enough of that from “Mary, Did You Know?”

Don’t make any comments that could be perceived as passive-aggressive, like that she’ll “eventually lose the baby weight” or “bounce back.” And don’t even THINK of mentioning the whole immaculate-conception thing.

Don’t overstay your welcome. It’s only a matter of time before the little Lord gets a racerback blowout in His cloths, or gets hungry…and there’s zero chance that the Mom of the Son of God wants to whip her cracked nipples out in front of you.