From the first cough to the final snotty tissue, having sick kids can be more terrifying than any horror film. Despite how often you make the sign of the cross and yell to “COUGH IN YOUR ARM!” you know that you’re cursed because their one singular purpose seems to be sneezing into your eyes.
Any place where children congregate is going to be particularly troublesome because it is known that kids carry myriad illnesses on their person. Their collective spaces are simply disguised labs where these illnesses come together to make new and ever-more frightening pathogens.
But aside from the fact that taking care of sick kids is literally the worst, the reason why it’s so ominous is that you are gonna get that virus fa’ sho. It’s only a matter of time until your own nose (or anus) springs a leak because of the unholy cocktail of illness that your child so generously slimed all over your person. But the good news is that you don’t get a break, so have fun caring for everyone else while you’re also on death’s doorstep. Nama-stay close to the bathroom, you sucker!
Luckily we’ve all been there. As we watch our children grow into adulthood, we get ravaged by illness and somehow live to tell the tale. The struggle is real, and chafed from knockoff Kleenex.
1. Hhhhm wonder what’s on the menu today
2. You can try to fight it, but it’s a big waste of time TBH
3. Life goals
4. We can all see it coming, and yet it cannot be stopped
5. GERM EXORCISM!
6. Oh yay, a clinically sanctioned illness
7. Have fun dodging all them sniffles, mama
8. OMG I’M NEXT
9. I love you, but please go away
10. LOL, you thought
So make sure to have the Lysol ready and don’t hug those critters too close.
And if all else fails, you could always set up an industrial Hazmat foyer for decontaminating your kids every time they enter the house. It might cost less than your monthly Advil and cough drop budget.