By MockMom This week, Jenna Severson, busy mother-of-three, decided she wanted to try having her hair cut short. “I mean, I didn’t want a pixie cut or anything that would have people mistaking me for a man. But I think something like a bob cut would be less maintenance. I like the idea of bangs,” […]
Press Secretary Says Trump’s Penis More Similar to Donkey Kong
By MockMom James S. Brady Press Briefing Room 2:48 P.M. EDT MS. SANDERS: Good afternoon. This past week has been sullied with the emergence of a new book from a former adult-film star, who does not deserve to be acknowledged by name. There is a specific accusation made in said book that President Trump wishes […]
Child Poops on White House Lawn, Administration Will Prosecute
By Liz Bolton Nineteen-month-old Xavier McKibbin of Arlington, Virginia, escaped his mother’s grasp during a routine diaper change in a nearby park, and squeezed through the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, after which he proceeded to squat down and defecate on the grass. “It was such brilliant commentary on the state of our country and […]
A List of Other Things Texas Is Removing from Its History Curriculum
By MockMom Contributors Last week, the Texas Board of Education voted to remove historical figures including Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from the mandatory history curriculum in Texas schools. They say this is an attempt by the board to “streamline” what students learn in social studies classes. We have obtained the full list of things […]
Last Few Threads Desperately Trying to Keep Yoga Pants Intact
By MockMom Amidst rapidly deteriorating conditions, the remaining threads in a local mother’s pair of yoga pants are struggling to keep a hole on its inner thigh from ripping apart completely. “It’s been months now,” said one of the longer, especially-stressed threads. “I’m really not sure how much longer we can hang on. I know […]
Don’t Worry, I Coach Girls Basketball
By Anna Gracia of TheSnarkyReviewer.com Hey there, you know me. I’m your neighbor/co-worker/PTA dad. Sure, you don’t really know me, but you know I say hi to you in the mornings. You know I wear khaki pants and make corny jokes about the weather. Did you also know I coach girls high school basketball? You may […]
Keto Helped Me Lose 10 Pounds and All the Joy in My Life
By MockMom If you know me, you’ve already heard all about my new Keto diet. But that won’t stop me from telling you again! LOL The Ketogenic Diet gets your body to burn fat for energy, by increasing your fat intake and cutting out carbs. Which sounds easier than it is. Cutting out all carbs […]
How to Answer Your Nosy Family’s Questions Like a Toddler
By Chloe Yelena Miller of chloeyelenamiller.com Aunt Margaret, zipping her ankle-length, leopard-print coat: “Are you really wearing that to dinner?” You, in a red T-shirt and jeans: “It’s my superhero costume! I’m Superman!” [You hold one arm up and squint your eyes as if it’s windy when you fly.] Grandma with a single leaf of lettuce […]