“Did our other kids do this? Why are you looking at me like that?”
How to Use the Dark Arts to Summon a Parking Spot in December
At approximately 3 am, the veil between worlds is thinnest, so this is a great time to go to the local Walmart and cast a circle in the parking lot to ensure yourself a space.
GOP Lawmakers React to President Trump Punching Baby
“Let’s wait and see where the facts take us. We don’t even know what role the baby played in making all this come about.”
31 Less-Insulting Things to Get Your Wife Than an Exercise Bike
Nothing says “Blink twice if you’re being held against your will” like this woman’s face from the now-infamous Peloton bike ad.
A Complete List of Items My Husband Asked Me to Help Him Find and Their Entirely Unsurprising Locations
This is not Endgame. You cannot claim, “I put it right here!” and expect to be able to go back in time to reclaim it.
How I Spend My Day, As Imagined By My Seven-Year-Old Son
This video game for adults is so much fun. I’m sure my kids would like it too, but I won’t let them play it because I like being mean.
Trump on a Stump Will Bully Your Kids Into Good Behavior This Holiday Season
According to a press release, Trump on a Stump™ will “definitely, almost 100% make all the bad, bad brats be very, very goodly good this holiday season.”
16 “Mom Life” Realities As Told Through Brad Pitt Movie Titles
Who knew Brad Pitt’s body of work so aligned with my life? Now if only he could make movies called “Why Is This Wet?” and “My Best Friend, Chocolate.”