Mock Mom

By Melissa Coble of An Unfit Parent America, times are tough. We are all having trouble believing what we are living through right now, and the frosting on that shit-filled cake was the recent announcement that we will now have a Space Force. Space soldiers! Space tanks! Space guns shooting at….aliens? But hey, it’s summertime. You deserve […]

By MockMom First, try to forget how the look and feel of beards excite you on a sexual/spiritual level. Take into consideration that a large dick is pretty nice. I mean, not vibrator nice, but still nice. Wait, didn’t this used to be called “BCS” (Big Cock Syndrome)? Someone decided “energy” was better marketing? I […]

By Andrew Knott of Explorations of Ambiguity “Flight 666 to Death Valley will now be departing from Gate 13. Yes, you heard that right. I said Flight 666 to Death Valley. Death is where we are all heading anyway, so you might as well come on board. However, please board only when your zone is called.” “Please […]

By Jared Bilski There’s a magical moment when your wife first discovers she’s going to be a mom. In that moment, she’s joyful, grateful, and oh so beautiful. She’s absolutely radiant. But that moment quickly gives way to the horrifying problem that lies ahead, when all she can think is, “How am I ever going […]

By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised Everyone’s favorite food to hate is now a popular new craft medium. “I was tired of putting kale on snookum’s plate and then throwing it away uneaten. Even the dog wouldn’t go near it,” crafty entrepreneur Mrs. Marge Tempura told us. “So, I came up with some ideas to […]

By Marlene Kern Fischer of Thoughts From Aisle Four At her son’s soccer game earlier today, a local mom was struck by the realization that she still didn’t completely understand the offside rule in soccer. The mother of three sons, who did not want to be identified so as not to embarrass her family, said that although […]

By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin Mama Some women seem to think that “mansplaining” is a real phenomenon, but here’s why they’re wrong: Just because I’m explaining something and happen to be a man, I’m automatically mansplaining it? That seems pretty unfair coming from so-called feminists who preach equality. I mean, just listen to yourself: You […]

By Sarah Curry President Trump toured the Cincinnati Zoo today, where he engaged in a listening tour and was then slated to deliver an apology to animals for equating them with immigrants and gang members. His first stop on his listening tour was to meet Baby Fiona, the world’s cutest hippo. However, when he realized […]