Divine Intervention? Everyone in Family Holiday Photo Has Eyes Open

In what matriarch Rosalee Edmunds is calling the result of “divine intervention,” everyone in the Edmunds’ family holiday photo has their eyes open.

Rosalee, mother of 4 and grandmother of 10, had set aside 2.5 hours of her family’s holiday gathering specifically for the purpose of taking the family holiday photo. She was shocked when after only 3 tries, every member of the Edmunds family was looking at the camera, eyes open.

“It was a miracle!” she boasted.

“Honestly, I had planned to spend at least an hour of that time listening to my wife shout instructions about how to position the tripod and set the timer on the camera despite the fact that I know perfectly well how to do it, but after only 3 brief marital spats, we had it,” marveled Harold Edmunds, Rosalee’s husband.

“Usually my dad shouts back at my mom, ‘Goddammit, Rosalee, I know what I’m doing!’ and ‘I should have run away with your sister when I had the chance!’ at least 15 times while the rest of the family shifts uncomfortably, but this year, we just sort of got it right away,” remarked Scott Edmunds, the couple’s oldest son and father of 2 of their grandchildren.

“I’m sure it was divine intervention,” said Scott’s wife Melissa. “There’s no other explanation.”

“I spent the entire 45-minute ride to their house praying that I wouldn’t have to yet again endure another year listening to Rosalee and Harold yell at each other while trying to keep my three boys from farting the alphabet into their cousin’s face,” added Rosalee and Harold’s daughter-in-law, Heather. “My prayers were answered.”

As for how the family spent the remainder of the time allotted to family photos, the Edmunds’ oldest granddaughter Sarah later reported they set up the slide projector and went through past family photos.

“In every photo, at least half the family was looking in a different direction,” said Sarah. “And then Grandma spent an hour accusing Grandpa of a 30-year campaign to intentionally ruin holidays to spite her.”

“I retract my previous statement,” daughter-in-law Heather said in a follow-up. “Despite my prayers, we had to sit there while they squabbled anyway. Maybe there really is no God.”