By Serena Dorman of Mommy Cusses If you’re a boy mom, you know that once you start potty training, your bathrooms will look and smell like a thing of nightmares. Urine-drenched nightmares. Cleaning the bathroom is a chore I have listed alongside things like changing a baboon’s diaper after a recent bout of food poisoning and…
I’m an Empty Nester and What I Miss the Most About Having Kids in the House Is the Vomit
By Andrew Knott of Explorations of Ambiguity Sometimes I think about what I would tell the younger version of myself if I could travel back in time. I’m in my 50s now and my three kids are all out in the world. When I come home from work at night, the house often feels very empty. I…
Wife Confronts Mistress, Asks Her to Do the Dishes
By Melissa Avstreih A Haddonfield, N.J. woman said she was stunned by the reaction of the woman who caught her in bed with her husband. After months of flirty email exchanges, Charlotte Martin, a 27-year-old pharmaceutical sales representative, gave into temptation and went home with her 44-year-old manager, Adam Crawford. The couple’s 30 minutes of passion…
Local Introvert Can’t Wait for Playdate to Be Over Already
By Crystal Lowery of Creepy Ginger Kid & Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin’ Mama Local introvert Heidi Wells, having already spent a considerable about of time quietly checking her phone, is reportedly “so fucking ready” for a playdate for her 3-year-old son to be over. The invitation for the playdate came after Wells made the mistake of engaging in eye…
Other Info Kushner Left Off His Security Clearance Forms
By MockMom Contributors White House adviser and suspected-vampire Jared Kushner reportedly updated his federal disclosure form several times to include more than 100 names on a list of foreign contacts after he’d already gained security clearance. Here is a list of other information that he conveniently forgot to add to his security clearance forms: He…
Woman Plays Dead to Escape Bear, Credits Years of Avoiding Sex with Husband
By Melissa Avstreih A Washington, D.C. woman said the years of practice she’s had avoiding sex with her husband may have saved her life. Karen Bell, who was hiking alone in Shenandoah National Park, said she played dead to thwart a bear attack. The techniques she used to deter the bear are similar to ones she’s…
Small Child Put in Charge of Small Arsenal of Nuclear Warheads
By Andrew Knott of Explorations of Ambiguity When I found out I was going to be a parent, I got straight to work. I walked right out of my house, drove to the nearest Barnes & Noble, and asked the store attendant to hook me up with every book in the pregnancy and parenting section. “One of…
Want to Come with Me on an Egg Harvesting Date?
By Alison Block Hi ILoveD&D69! I saw your profile online, and I thought we could be a good match. Well, let’s be honest, not really a good match, but probably the kind of match that I can realistically hope for. From what I gather from your profile, you’re 42, divorced, have fairly advanced male-patterned baldness, and…
Don’t Put That in Your Vagina: A Guide for People Who Don’t Know Any Better
By Anna Gracia First jade eggs, then wasp nests, now glitter bombs. WTF is going on with women’s obsession with putting ridiculous things in their vaginas? So in case you don’t know any better (and apparently this needs to be said), this is a list of things you absolutely should not put in your vagina:…
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