How many organs have they eaten today? Were they meat or pianos? Are your pianos vegan?
MockMom
Career Aptitude Test Confirms Mother’s Fate as Professional Butt Wiper
“I can actually put my English degree to good use. Like, by wiping my kid’s butt with it.”
Kids Won’t Put Shoes Away? This Child Psychologist Has the Answer
“Just burn those motherfuckers,” she stated in an article recently published in Kids Psych Weekly. “Preferably while your kids are watching.”
Valentine’s Day Is a Politically Incorrect Load of Crap
I just want to spend my February 14th in comforting, self-loathing isolation without having to worry about some insensitive jackass sending me flowers.
Feminist Parenting Advice That’s Actually Regressive AF
Nothing dismantles the patriarchy more effectively than a woman who has left the workforce. Did you know breastfeeding burns calories? Daddy will love that!
Winter Toddler Activities That Will Take Less Time Than Getting Him Into His Snowsuit
Decide to move to Norway. Hope everyone is willing to help get your son into his snow clothes! It takes a village and they’re into Democratic Socialism, right?
A Note from OSHA on Prepping Your House for a Santa Visit
Make sure your chimneys and door frames are up to code. If not, Santa may opt to skip your home, you derelict trash.
Your Child’s School Photos Are Ready
Interested in shelling out your life savings for a barely-visible silhouette of the school janitor? We’ve got you covered.