What good is eating food if you can’t do so in a way that makes you feel far superior to all of your lowly, carb-indulgent Facebook friends?
As Stephanie was delivering her placenta, a nurse looked at her with a wide smile and asked, “So, when are you guys thinking about baby #2?”
Timely: Organize books by estimated time-to-read to keep bedtimes consistent and avoid fights about whether or not he just did ten minutes of reading.
“We can’t just go on allowing people to put artificial creamers in their coffee,” she said. “That shit is poison.”
A baby may be hungry or need soothing, but someone’s husband (probably Karen’s) may see a nip for a split second. Don’t be a homewrecker.
People don’t understand that you can train your kid to properly react to being propelled in an accident so that the car seat actually becomes unnecessary.
Make sure your Facebook app is up-to-date. We can’t help you break free of Facebook if you’re using an outdated version of our app.
10. Finish decorating my underground bunker. Stock up on food that doesn’t expire and bottled water.