By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars A shocking scandal is causing waves among YouTubers, preschoolers, and the entire gratingly-irritating animated underwater musical community. It turns out that YouTube sensation Baby Shark is not—as his Billboard’s Hot 100 hit song implies—the offspring of Mama Shark and Daddy Shark, but rather the triangular-finned bastard spawn of Mama […]
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Mom Follows Toddler’s Lead and Sprints Everywhere at Full Speed
By Becca Carnahan of With Love, Becca Inspired by her toddler’s most frequent mode of transportation from point A to point B, mom of 2, Linda Potter, decided she, too, would try running everywhere she went at full speed. For Linda, this all started as an experiment to see if she really had the stamina to sprint […]
Punxsutawney Phil Arrested on Multiple Charges of Fraud and Deception
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Punxsutawney Phil, Groundhog Day’s beloved poster woodchuck, is currently being held without bail at the Burr Row Correctional Complex in Punxsutawney, PA, on charges of being a “motherfucking fraud.” The arrest happened late Tuesday night after the Punxsutawney Police Department received multiple complaints against the now-infamous rodent. “We received […]
‘Do You Have Any Irish In You?’ Line Actually Works
By MockMom For the third straight year, Bret McEntire has gone to O’Hara’s Pub to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, drink green beer, and use his same pick-up line: “Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?” McEntire tried this line on an endless string of women (and even a few men toward […]
Celery Juice Lands Woman in Vegetative State
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars It turns out the popular health trend of downing large amounts of celery juice has some dangerous side effects. Like inadvertent self-lobotomization. Sally Reeter, age 26, of Grand Crapids, MI, is in a coma after ingesting “an indeterminate amount of liquified celery.” “It was supposed to be cleansing,” said […]
Brown Bear, Brown Bear Can’t See Past Personal Shortcomings
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Mr. Brown Bear, of Eric Carle’s well-known children’s book Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? is in a dark place. And it has nothing to do with caves or hibernation. “I’m depressed,” he told us, sitting back on his haunches and grabbing a bear claw from the […]
Desperate Mom Lets Picky Toddler Snack On Dog Food
By Karlie Holliday of Just Sleep On It A local mother was caught feeding her 2-year-old son dog food at Pinewoods Park on Tuesday afternoon. A visitor at the park claimed the child was walking around with a snack cup full of dog food. The visitor explained, “My daughter thought the boy was eating Cocoa Puffs, so […]
Apple Breaks into Feminine Hygiene Market with Latest iPADS
By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars Well, this is bloody brilliant. Tech power company Apple is taking steps toward expanding its business to include feminine hygiene products. According to a recent leak on the company’s Twitter account, the massive tech giant is hoping to specifically break into the business of stopping, well, leaks. And we’re […]