Make sure your chimneys and door frames are up to code. If not, Santa may opt to skip your home, you derelict trash.
Interested in shelling out your life savings for a barely-visible silhouette of the school janitor? We’ve got you covered.
“Before you do anything with your child, stop and ask yourself, ‘Did I read the online advice first?’”
It seems like every single kid in this group is gifted, but I think I read somewhere that only like 5% of kids actually are. Isn’t that weird?
“Did our other kids do this? Why are you looking at me like that?”
At approximately 3 am, the veil between worlds is thinnest, so this is a great time to go to the local Walmart and cast a circle in the parking lot to ensure yourself a space.
“Let’s wait and see where the facts take us. We don’t even know what role the baby played in making all this come about.”
Nothing says “Blink twice if you’re being held against your will” like this woman’s face from the now-infamous Peloton bike ad.