Health Humor Tweets

The Funniest “CDC Says” Tweets to Make You Cackle Today

On the heels of the CDC’s recent announcement that they are now recommending 5-day quarantines instead of the previous 10 for people who have tested positive for COVID-19, people are understandably confused and upset.

For many, this news signals that the government agency values capitalism over human lives (I mean…), as part of the reason for the new guidance stems from worry that the 10-day quarantines will only exacerbate already critical staffing shortages across America’s workforce.

And for many, it feels like the CDC has just given up.

It’s like they’ve told us how many times, but we still won’t listen. They’ve counted to 3, 3 and a 1/2, 3 and 3/4, but we still won’t stop hitting our brother, so they’re done. We can kill ourselves if we want, just do it in our rooms where they don’t have to listen to it anymore, they’re over it, what they really need is a stiff drink, 3 dozen sleeves of Oreos, and a girls’ weekend in Vegas.

Obviously, Twitter had a field day with the announcement, pumping out one funny “CDC now says…” tweet after another with no end to the hilarity in sight.

So here, for your viewing pleasure, are the funniest “CDC says” tweets so far. Sit back, relax, and take a break from crying in the corner about your impending demise to have a cackle on the good people of Twitter.

Ahhh, we are laughing. On the bus to hell maybe, but laughing nonetheless. Stay safe out there, folks, and don’t forget to smash that share button to spread some gallows humor with your friends!