By Sulla Rose
1. When they say “this activity will be a lot of fun,” they are lying.
2. Someone’s “water bottle” smells an awful lot like Grey Goose.
3. Acting. Acting, everywhere.
4. At least one person is called a liar or a fake.
5. Someone brings up the idea of making ice cream with less than five minutes left.
6. You find yourself secretly playing “which of you people is in the Witness Protection Program?”
7. Whether it’s at a rose ceremony or the board elections, someone makes a tearful speech about why they should be chosen.
8. Everyone groans when the major shit-stirrer in the group starts speaking.
9. There is at least a small chance that someone’s husband gets fed to wild animals (or at least sacrificed to volunteer for the dunk tank).
10. A vicious cat fight between dance moms and toddlers in tiaras is conceivable.
11. No one is phased when someone flips a table.
12. There is at least one killjoy, and they are always making sure the group “checks with the administration” before doing anything fun.
13. Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.
14. Someone admits that they’d “never thought I’d make it this far.”
15. You’re waiting for the hour to wrap up before your brain melts.
1-15: PTA meeting
1-15: Also reality TV competition show
About the Author
Sulla Rose is the author of three novels about suburban shenanigans. Follow her @SullaRose, and read her blog at GettingVillaged.WordPress.com.