If you are telling embarrassing sex stories, at least two of your crew is missing, and you're home by midnight, you were probably having a Moms' Night Out.
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10 Signs We’re on a Moms’ Night Out

If you are telling embarrassing sex stories, at least two of your crew is missing, and you're home by midnight, you were probably having a Moms' Night Out.

By Shannon Day of Martinis and Motherhood

We moms love a nice get-together with our girlfriends. In fact, our sanity depends on it. By the time we peel the last kid from our leg and make it out the door, we’re exhausted and the night hasn’t even begun. But this doesn’t stop us. No way! We may be a tad disheveled but we’re more than ready to make the most of our night of freedom.

Here are 10 sure fire signs that we’re on a Moms’ Night Out:

1. We’re breathless with anticipation.

By the time we run the kid and husband gauntlet and sneak a few deep breaths into a paper bag, you’d better watch the hell out!  Sure, we arrive late and yes, we look a bit windblown, but don’t underestimate us. We are ready to par-tay!

2. We’d like that on the rocks—ASAP!

We want a cocktail and we want it now.  No hemming and hawing here.  We’ve been dreaming of this beverage since we woke up to: “Mom, I’m done!” Upon first sight of the waitress, we get our order in. Bam. Just like that.

3. The menu means fuck all to us.

Sure, when it comes to our drinks, we’re on it. Our menus, on the other hand, are not even on our radar. We’re far too immersed in our female, adult-only conversations to take notice. Luckily, we’re a group of moms, so one of us soon takes control and we get some food ordered.

4. A mom or two are there, in spirit only.

We often lose a few moms leading up to the night and then, on the day, we lose at least one more. Why? Because that’s the nature of the game. When “life” happens, the mom needs to be there. And when it comes to a night out, “life” denies at least one mom her freedom.

5. Comfy is the new cool.

We aren’t likely to come tittering out in a pair of sky high stilettos. Nope, not us moms. Wedges are more our scene because, quite frankly, we like to be safe. We also like to keep our sciatic nerve issues at bay and besides, we aren’t interested in losing sleep to a late night Charlie horse.

6. We’ve perfected the 15 minute makeover.

Well, ok, we haven’t totally perfected it, but we’ve become accustomed to having our “getting ready time” hijacked by the needs of others and because of this, we’ve now got the messy bun down to a science and we have no qualms putting our make-up on in the car.

7. Maxi dresses are a mom’s BFF.

This is true mainly because they’re an entire outfit all in one, which works nicely into our 15 minute makeover timeline. The fact that they are full length is ideal when we make the discovery of one hairy leg and one smooth. Plus these sexy, feminine wonders offer space and comfort to accommodate our chocolate cheesecake.

8. There’s a witch at our table.

There isn’t really. It’s just a cackling mom (like me) with her laughing friends. We laugh and laugh and we cackle because that’s how we roll.  We’re there to talk about our daily screw ups, sex fails and, of course, funny tales of life before marriage. We’re in it for the laughs, so don’t sit near us if you want to hear the people you’re with.

9. When the clock strikes 12… we’re in bed.

It’s true.  We are pretty responsible like that.  After some good chats, a careful balance of water to wine and a few dangerously satisfying yawns, we happily head home to our comfy beds, ready for the next day.

But sometimes….

10. We wanna party like it’s 1999.

And we don’t give a shit if we look cool or who the hell else is around us. We just want to cut loose to Rhythm is a Dancer and have a few more drinks. Is this too much to ask?  Sadly, when the morning comes and we wake up to: “Mom, I’m done!” we’ll wish it were still 1999 but it won’t be. And the day will be long — very, very long. We’ll look like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s, and we’ll vow, with all of our might, to never feel this way again.

This post was originally published on Shannon Day’s Martinis and Motherhood.


About the Author

Former bartender-turned-teacher Shannon Day can be found cocktail-shaking and story-making over at her site, Martinis & Motherhood. There, she ponders the meaning of life, while poking fun at her handsome British hubby. Shannon is co-author and co-editor of Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! She is a regular contributor to BLUNTmoms, and her writing can be found in various online publications including Mamapedia, The Huffington Post, Mamalode, Scary Mommy, and Sweatpants & Coffee. Connect with Shannon on Facebook.