Of course Cynthia Brown of Knoxville, TN was aware of the dangers of buying and selling on Craigslist, but in a desperate attempt to get rid of the broken washer and dryer littering her laundry room, the mom took a chance.
Imagine her surprise when the purchaser showed up, and instead of full-blown hacking her body into tiny pieces and carting them off in his trunk to discard in a remote location, he only murdered her “a little bit.”
“I was like, wow. I mean, I was expecting to be dismembered and possibly defecated on in the process, but I was NOT expecting this,” said Cynthia.
“Like yeah, the dude totally murdered me, but it was like only a little bit. It was kinda sweet actually,” Cynthia continued.
According to police reports and the victim herself, the assailant — whose name is being withheld while officials complete their investigation — arrived at the agreed-upon time, checked out the washer and dryer, and then proceeded to slightly murder Cynthia.
“We’ve never really seen anything like this before,” said Sergeant Michael Fuchs. “Usually perps — and especially Craigslist killers — will completely murder a person. But this guy only did it a little.”
“He was like, ‘Hey, when was the last time this worked, has it ever been repaired, do you have the owner’s manual,’ and then bam. He got right into the light murdering,” reported Cynthia.
“I’ve seen murders, but this was a whole other level,” a neighbor offered. “There were only like one or two soft screams, and then when I went to check out the commotion, Cynthia said, ‘OMG, I was just murdered, but like only a little bit.'”
“I’ve never been gently murdered before,” added Cynthia, shrugging and smiling.
When asked if she’d recommend other women use Craigslist, Cynthia offered, “Definitely. Sure, 9/10 times you’ll get full-on murdered, but that 1/10 chance of only getting murdered a little bit?” Cynthia appeared to stare off blankly, ruminating on her experience.
“I mean, I’m still stuck with that washer and dryer. But totally worth it.”