Murder documentaries have become as much a part of stereotypical mom culture as coffee, dry shampoo, leggings, messy buns, and being tired as fuck.
True crime has become a bizarre part of our late night “me-time” ritual where, instead of catching some zzz’s to cancel out some of the sleep-debt we’ve racked up, we get off on watching horrific murder stories on TV or DIY sleuthery on YouTube or podcasts while scrolling on our phones or picking up the house.
If binging true crime in your sweats just to have to cleanse your palette with a feel-good comedy like Schitt’s Creek is part of your self-care, welcome to the True Crime Mom Club where we get horny over cold cases and unsolved mysteries. The more fucked up, the better (Don’t F*ck With Cats, I’m looking at you).
Saturday Night Live featured a hilarious music video on its show, over the weekend that included all our favorites: Chloe Fineman, Kate McKinnon, Ego Nwodim, Melissa Villaseñor, and Nick Jonas, the episode’s host, in a song that called all our asses out, named “Murder Show.”
-WARNING: Spoilers to popular murder documentaries ahead. Some of these I haven’t seen yet but I took the bullet for you in the name of science. Yes, science-
Here are the lyrics for “Murder Show” so you can feel fully seen.
“Finally, he’s gone. I have the whole night to unwind and do a little self-care, the only way I know how.
I’m gonna watch a murder show, murder show, I’m gonna watch a murder show.
Netflix, Showtime, HBO and Dateline.
Murder show, murder show, I’m gonna watch a murder show. YouTube, Hulu, that’s my favorite thing to do.
Twin sisters got killed on a cruise in the Bahamas, I’m gonna half-watch it while I’m folding my pajamas.
Severed limbs found on a beach in Chula Vista, but I just kinda chill while I eat a piece of pizza.
They dig up some bodies and do an autopsy. Boring, wake me up when it’s Munchausen by Proxy.
A bodybuilder chopped up an old lady. I watch it while I text my sister ’bout her baby.
Murder show, murder show, every type of murder show. Late night, true crime, this is my relaxing time. Murder show, murder show, I’m gonna watch a murder show.
Last night I saw a new one where they found a cheerleaders head in an old coal mine. I watched it while I paid my taxes online.
Satanic killer on the loose in Texas. And I’m on Insta keeping tabs on my exes.
Cannibals have cut off people’s flesh and they boil it. I watch it all while I sit on the toilet.
Six pretty girls got scalped at the prom. I watch it in the background while I FaceTime my mom.
And as soon as I’m done I listen to a podcast about the same guy as the show I just watched. Because now I’m fully down the rabbit hole.
I hope for a body count. Like 6 or 7. A really high body count, 10 or 11. 15, 16, now it’s getting interesting. Finally it’s 20 and, girl, he ain’t worth it.
Nick Jonas: What the hell?
TV: A second body was found
Nick: Have you just been watching murder shows all night?
Chloe: Uh…yes?
Nick: You do realize there’s a type of show that’s even better than murder shows, right?
Chloe: Wait, what?
Nick: Oh, yeah. Have you heard about…
Cult shows, cult shows, different kinds of cult shows.
Brainwash. Sex. Ugly dudes, and a bit of volleyball. Death cults. Sex cults. Let’s go watch sex cults.
Murder shows and cult shows. And don’t forget baking shows.
Chloe: What!? I like baking shows.
Whatever, screw you guys, I’m gonna eat all of them.
Nick: Body shows
What’s a good murder documentary you’ve seen lately? Let us know in the comments on Facebook!