by Topher Paul
You’ve probably heard by now that there is a gas shortage sweeping the Southeast due to a ransomware attack on the Colonial Pipeline. Those who were keen to this in the early stages put their brilliant minds to work finding solutions for how they could prevent themselves from being negatively affected. If there’s one thing you should do when there is a shortage of anything it’s stockpile.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) May 12, 2021
The poster obviously made a typo by calling these two geniuses “morons,” but we all have those embarrassing autocorrect mistakes from time to time. I mean, THIS is how you do it. While other suckers are sitting on their docks sucking down piña coladas to pass the boredom, you can be out doing hot laps in your gas guzzling Mastercraft just crushing Bud Lights AND waves. Why? Because you had the foresight to save your gas for just this occasion. Oh, sorry, somebody can’t get to work because they don’t have gas in their car? Guess what? Don’t work! This is the universe telling you something.
While it’s important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us. It shocking to think that someone so in-tune with the goings-on of society, would act so monstrously by using plastic bags to transport her fuel. PLASTIC! Prepare to be horrified!
I heard people were flipping gas which is comical to me, but putting gasoline in a plastic bag is just WILD pic.twitter.com/2weCJqg6v0
— trina pearls (@livingunder_ci) May 12, 2021
I know exactly what you’re thinking. Has this person never seen a picture of a landfill? Does she have any idea that plastic is not biodegradable? How can someone so smart be so dumb? What she should be doing is using a paper bag to transport the gasoline. Yes, I know, trees are a valuable part of our environment as well, and deforestation IS an issue we must tackle. But a billion trees could grow anew before 1 single plastic bag is eliminated from this world.
The paper bag is ideal for this type of situation because it is made of recyclable materials, holds a surprising amount of liquid fuel, and can be reused as a grocery bag. There is no downside. I would recommend using one with handles. If not, you’re going to lose a lot of precious space rolling the top down to make it transportable.
If the pipeline doesn’t get fixed soon, our precious commodity will be worth a pretty penny. I look forward to the day when some Johnny come lately grovels at my doorstep for just 1 measly bag of gas. Good luck out there all you fellow fuel hoarders. We may look like alarmists now, but we’ll soon be appreciated for our savvy and respect for the environment.