MockMom

MockMom: A satirical look at parenting.

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MockMom is our own little satirical corner — a place for parents to laugh about the ridiculousness associated with parenthood. Enjoy!

child hoarding oranges and applies

I LIVED IT: I Died and My Kids Asked Me for a Snack

I’m dead, but my kids still ask me for a snack. It wasn’t enough that they asked before breakfast, during breakfast, after breakfast, six times before lunch, eleven times during lunch, two dozen times before dinner, right after dinner, right before bed, right after bed, and in the middle of […]

Mother Needs Support Raising Children, Asks Siri for Directions to the Village

  Sarah Miller, mother of three, recently inquired about where to get support in raising her children. “I was really just looking for some support without judgment. I was hoping to find people who could understand that I make mistakes and don’t have all the answers all the time. I […]

heaven and hell

Re: Your Request to Exchange Your Son’s Eternal Damnation for Your Own

Dear Ms. Smith, We received your inquiry regarding exchanging the eternal damnation of your unbaptized son for your own. We appreciate your willingness to burn in the everlasting fires of Hell for your child; however, after careful consideration and review of your case file, we will unfortunately not be able […]

man dark background hand to face

Local Man Searching For More Crap To Put On Counter

Other considerations for countertop placement included the empty juice container from the fridge and the empty cracker box in the pantry.

mom kissing baby

Infertile Couple Told to Relax, Finally Able to Conceive

  To the casual observer, Lonnie and Laura Barron looked like they had everything: a loving relationship, a beautiful home, lucrative jobs, the freedom and expendable income to go on vacation without having to buy the “family package.” But the thing they wanted most was a child to share their […]

new mom holding baby without hat

Local Mother Attacked for Taking Hatless Baby Outdoors

  A local mother was attacked by a group of senior citizens for taking her 6-month-old daughter to the grocery store without a hat. According to the police report, the victim, Paula (who asked that her last name be withheld) ran out of diapers on Wednesday and drove to her […]

new mother can't find feelings on wheel of emotions

New Mom Can’t Find Word To Describe Emotions on Wheel Of Feelings

  Cleveland, Ohio — Since Brie Jennings, 34, gave birth to her daughter six months ago, it has been a daily struggle to find one word to encapsulate her feelings. “Each moment has been filled with elation, then fear, then frustration, followed by overwhelming loneliness, then a kind of dreadful […]

man with dad bod smiling

Trendspotting! Dad Bods Hot, Mom Bods Still Gross

  From Contouring to Delayed Vaccination Schedules, here’s a look at what’s hot and what’s not this week: IN: Dad bods. Chubby is still chic for dads. Who needs a six-pack on a man when you can have the whole keg? Amirite, ladies? OUT: Mom bods. Yuck. Unless moms show […]

child climbing up slide

Mom Reaches Count of Three, Has No Idea What to Do Next

  ST. LOUIS– In a move that captured the attention of the entire playground, local mom Stephanie Lancaster reached the count of three. “He’s usually so good, but we skipped his nap today,” Lancaster tearfully justified of her son who wouldn’t allow other kids down the slide without knowing the password. […]

mother hates playdates

Local Introvert Can’t Wait for Playdate to Be Over Already

  Local introvert Heidi Wells, having already spent a considerable amout of time quietly checking her phone, is reportedly “so fucking ready” for a playdate for her 3-year-old son to be over. The invitation for the playdate came after Wells made the mistake of engaging in eye contact with another […]

woman celebrating having used the konmari method

I Tried KonMari and Threw Away My Family

Letting go of clutter is not hard to do. It’s determining what is really clutter that’s the difficult part. I mean, of course that piece of paper with five scribbles on it that you’ve kept under the guise that one day you’ll put it in your child’s memory book as […]

Man Doesn’t Understand Why His Wife Is Always Exhausted

  A local husband is very concerned for his wife, who claims to be exhausted despite getting a full night’s sleep. Doug Ellison, 37, says he first started to worry about her after he watched the kids one Saturday morning so that she could sleep in. “When we went to […]

woman dressed as sexy kitten for halloween

Sexy Kitten Disappointed Halloween Hookup Isn’t Real Doctor

When Brittany Katz woke up, she learned the man in bed next to her wasn’t who she thought. Katz, a 27-year-old dental hygienist from Arlington, VA, left a Halloween party with a man dressed as a doctor. She later learned that man was Josh Adams, a 32-year-old Assistant Night Manager […]

woman tells client all the way off

Goals Alert! Woman Tells Client All the Way Off by Saying, “Apologies for the Inconvenience”

After a harrowing couple of months on the job as a customer support representative, employee and mother of two Amanda Byrnes finally mustered the courage to tell a particularly cantankerous client all the way off. “I had had enough of his complaining, berating, and downright inappropriate pontificating,” said Byrnes. “I […]

Cynthia was expecting to be full-on dismembered and discarded in a remote location, but this exceeded her expectations

Wow! Woman Who Used Craigslist Only Murdered ‘A Little Bit’

Of course Cynthia Brown of Knoxville, TN was aware of the dangers of buying and selling on Craigslist, but in a desperate attempt to get rid of the broken washer and dryer littering her laundry room, the mom took a chance. Imagine her surprise when the purchaser showed up, and […]

80s parenting style -- smoke a cigarette and lock the kids outside

Parenting Advice From a 1980s Mom

So you’re having a baby. Congratulations! No doubt 15 of your closest friends are already planning a Tupperware baby shower in your honor, complete with all the Jello salad and tuna casserole you can eat. But what happens after the crepe paper streamers come down and you’re left with a […]

Casual Cool Ways to Wear Your Cat This Fall

Casual Cool Ways to Wear Your Cat This Fall

The leaves are changing and there’s a chill in the air. It’s the perfect time to cozy up to a feline companion, stroke him soothingly, and then drape him over your neck like a scarf. If Mr. Jingles proves cooperative, you can even wear him as a hat. Cat-wearing is […]

Don’t even waste your energy on complaining about the mess, as this will only throw off your concentration.

Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Ninja…Parent?

Don’t even waste your energy on complaining about the mess, as this will only throw off your concentration.

Mom Who Took One Week Off From Cleaning Buried Alive by Garbage

By Joanna McClanahan of Ramblin Mama RALEIGH, NC ⏤ Mom of three, Halley Miller, who works full time and until recently was virtual schooling all of her kids, took a much-needed break from cleaning and was promptly buried alive by all the crap her family produced in ONE week during […]

Some people call it a throuple, but I call it a damn break

I Got a Sister Wife So I Could Read a Book for a Few Effing Minutes

Although everyone’s journey into polyamory is probably different, mine started with 10 years of being the primary partner in charge of all-things domestic, including cooking, cleaning, and shopping. I needed a break. I just wanted to sit down for 30 minutes to read a damn book. And that meant bringing […]

Withhold affection from your child, then one day begin to say the words, “I love you,” but never let the word “love” fall from your lips.

Forget Helicopter Parenting: 12 New Machine-Based Parenting Styles

Withhold affection from your child, then one day begin to say the words, “I love you,” but never
let the word “love” fall from your lips.

Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.

Are You Attending a PTA Meeting or Watching a Reality TV Competition Show?

Whether it’s during the final episode or budget discussions, a “shocking surprise twist” is likely.

we are thrilled to welcome Lilliana, our school’s first vampire student, to our Turning Fours classroom!

FAQs About The Vampire In Your Child’s Preschool Class

We are thrilled to welcome Lilliana, our school’s first vampire student, to our Turning Fours classroom!

The only thing my son has learned from fourteen months of distance learning is how to turn a playground argument into a chat box argument,

Virtual School Helps Social-Emotional Growth, But Learning… Not so Much

The only thing my son has learned from fourteen months of distance learning is how to turn a playground argument into a chat box argument,

While it's important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us.

Protect The Environment by Using Paper Bags to Transport Gasoline

While it’s important to applaud hoarding precious items during a crisis, we also need to be mindful of the world around us.

You went through all of that trouble just to have a potential 30-minute break while your kid finds someone else to play with.

How To Avoid Other Parents At The Playground

You went through all of that trouble just to have a potential 30-minute break while your kid finds someone else to play with.

So naturally, I now have no choice but to walk into the ocean to embrace my fate as an old sea hag.

My Coworkers Are Too Young to Get My ’80s References So Excuse Me While I Walk Into the Sea

So naturally, I now have no choice but to walk into the ocean to embrace my fate as an old sea hag.

This letter will turn into a novel if I list all my missed opportunities in my twenties and thirties to refine my skills in forecasting the future.

Millennial Mom Apologizes for Not Being a Fuggin’ Oracle

This letter will turn into a novel if I list all my missed opportunities in my twenties and thirties to refine my skills in forecasting the future.

Whatever your toddler is drinking probably isn’t so very dangerous and poison control is tired of hearing from you anyway.

Guided Meditation For Parents Who Want To Be Chill, But Are Actually Ticking Timebombs

Whatever your toddler is drinking probably isn’t so very dangerous and poison control is tired of hearing from you anyway.

I Just Found Out PTO Doesn’t Stand for Pretentious Tw*t Offensive, and I Am Shook

If you want to be more involved in your kids’ education, you might want to start reading those emails instead of immediately deleting them.

All Minnesota parents will be able to opt-in to virtual parenting options starting this month under emergency order.

Minnesotans Soon to Have Hybrid Parenting Options

All Minnesota parents will be able to opt-in to virtual parenting options starting this month under emergency order.

“George doesn’t have to be curious all the time. Maybe sometimes he’s Angry George, or Ambitious George, or Sad, Confused, and Tired George.

Curious George Henceforth Known as “George” to Discourage Kids from Labeling

“George doesn’t have to be curious all the time. Maybe sometimes he’s Angry George, or Ambitious George, or Sad, Confused, and Tired George.

Where the siblings stumble upon the gingerbread house of a witch… but she’s not a hungry cannibal

Not-So-Grimm Fairy Tale Reboots for Non-Misogynist, Non-Maltreating, Non-Child-Eating Households

Where the siblings stumble upon the gingerbread house of a witch… but she’s not a hungry cannibal

“Cottonelle: We’re here to help you fulfill all your vandalism needs!” the ad proclaims. “Try our mega rolls for the ultra shenaniganning experience!”

Toilet Paper Sales Plummet as Vaccine Rates Soar

“Cottonelle: We’re here to help you fulfill all your vandalism needs!” the ad proclaims. “Try our mega rolls for the ultra shenaniganning experience!”

That doesn't mean that there's not still a sexy spark deep within my epiglottis that longs for the good old days of dating and fellating.

The Best Lipstick Shades That Say “I Used to Be Good At Blowies!”

That doesn’t mean that there’s not still a sexy spark deep within my epiglottis that longs for the good old days of dating and fellating.

Quick and Easy Dinner Recipes So You Can Fake Your Own Death and Fly to Fiji

Who has time to work all day, clean up after kids, do the housework, rock in the corner and cry, make some impromptu Amazon purchases in the false hope that they’ll somehow restore purpose to your life, consider faking your own death and flying to Fiji, and then cook dinner on top of it all?

I guess I’m going to have to find another way to get my fitness on while simultaneously expressing my inner sexy beast.

I Got Kicked Out of Pole-Dancing Class Because My Spontaneous Orgasms Were Too Disruptive

I guess I’m going to have to find another way to get my fitness on while simultaneously expressing my inner sexy beast.

These brothel-like establishments are luring women in with empty promises of relaxation, fitness, and ‘escape’ time

Local Church Lobbies to Shut Down Hot Yoga Classes for Being “Too Provocative”

These brothel-like establishments are luring women in with empty promises of relaxation, fitness, and ‘escape’ time

The popular toy production company, known for its interlocking bricks and iconic “minifigures,” is being slammed for creating a “toxic environment for children"

Lego Slammed for Promoting Unrealistic Body Image

The popular toy production company, known for its interlocking bricks and iconic “minifigures,” is being slammed for creating a “toxic environment for children”

If there's one thing I care about, it's the gender of root vegetables!

I’m Mad About Mr. Potato Head Because I’m Weirdly Invested In Vegetable Genders!

I’ve added a pair of truck nuts to him. Because as a patriot, I think we need to stop not sexualizing children’s toys! THIS ARGUMENT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD!

The sales associate suggested that mall security guards check Eddie Bauer and Pottery Barn. “Or there are these stores called Talbot's or Chico’s. That’s where my grandma shops.”

Middle-aged Woman, 50, Reported Missing in Forever 21

The sales associate suggested that mall security guards check Eddie Bauer and Pottery Barn. “Or there are these stores called Talbot’s or Chico’s. That’s where my grandma shops.”

Without Kombucha, our lives would have been like all other boring millennials, focused on rising the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, and paying off the mortgage.

Reinventing Myself Through The Power of Kombucha

Without Kombucha, our lives would have been like all other boring millennials, focused on rising the corporate ladder, saving for retirement, and paying off the mortgage.

Should You Get The COVID Vaccine Or Trust Buck From High School

Should You Get the Vaccine or Trust the Guy Who Snorts WD-40 While Taking a Dump?

We are living in unprecedented times. There’s no question that Covid-19 has taken a toll on our mental, physical, and emotional health. The virus has shut down businesses, overtaxed healthcare workers, put a financial strain on small business owners, forced parents into the hell known as e-learning, and killed over […]

I LIVED IT: My Social Media Post Got Zero Likes

It started out just like any other day: I posted a selfie on Instagram and then spent about an hour mindlessly watching alpacas on TikTok.  But then, by mid-afternoon, I noticed something strange…Not a SINGLE person had liked my daily selfie. Not one.

Yet still, I couldn't fight the beast that swelled inside me, so I did the right thing and married the man.

Spice It Up by Inviting a Pastor to Read Leviticus While You Make Love Through a Hole in a Sheet

Yet still, I couldn’t fight the beast that swelled inside me, so I did the right thing and married the man.

Men are sexually attracted to their burnt-out, exasperated, at-the-end-of-their-proverbial-rope female partners now more than ever.

Is That a Banana in His Pocket or Does He Find Your Toddler-Booger-Laden Sweats Sexy?

Men are sexually attracted to their burnt-out, exasperated, at-the-end-of-their-proverbial-rope female partners now more than ever.

I don't think I could find my own literal asshole if not for the map app on my phone.

I Accidentally Left My Phone at Home and Survived (Barely)

I don’t think I could find my own literal asshole if not for the map app on my phone.

Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for unhappiness, even if you are the best mom in the world.

6 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other, Clearly Superior Moms

Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for unhappiness, even if you are the best mom in the world.

This guide will take you through the 32 quick and easy steps you need to help your child access their virtual learning experience!

How to Access Virtual Learning in 32 Simple Steps

This guide will take you through the 32 quick and easy steps you need to help your child access their virtual learning experience!

I DID chuck a chair, but I DID NOT intentionally hit one of the council women. I mean, I did hit her, I just didn't mean to.

I’m a Proud Hockey Mom And You Should Know By Now That I Won’t Be Silenced

I DID chuck a chair, but I DID NOT intentionally hit one of the council women. I mean, I did hit her, I just didn’t mean to.