Zist says that the sales projections for Trump-or-Treat bars are “very, very good, and really, really not bad.”
Tag: satire
100 Things to Pack on the 100th Day of School
Everything you bring must be certified organic and made in America. Performance art, including 100 farts on command, don’t count for this assignment.
Potential Presidential Candidates That Would Be Better Than Trump
A neglected port-a-potty: It’s probably less full of shit than Trump.
New Version of Popular Paleo Diet Guaranteed to Change Your Life
“Eating rocks has literally changed my life. I tried swallowing an entire geode and inadvertently died, and now I no longer feel trapped in a body I don’t love.”
Mom Forced to Work 6 Weeks Postpartum Can’t Adopt Puppy Until It’s 8 Weeks Old
“Apparently I have to wait until the puppy is 8 weeks old before it can be separated from its mother” she said, rubbing her sleep-deprived eyes.
Woman Hospitalized After Ingesting Too Many Pumpkin Spice Products
“Shame about those Ugg boots she was wearing,” the ambulance driver later told us. “Coffee stains are a bitch to get out.”
Popular Makeup Company to Release Entire Line of Trump-Inspired Bronzers and Self-Tanners
A Sephorror rep tells us that the shades offered will range from “ignorantly unsubtle” to “in-your-face obnoxious.”
Mom on Facebook Can’t Stop Engaging in Comment-Section Arguments
The anonymity of being behind a computer screen gives her this inner-bitch she never realized existed before.