By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars
Halloween is just around the corner, and stores are stocking up on all things ghoulish, gruesome, and orange.
Enter this season’s newest candy addition, the limited-edition Trump-or-Treat bar. Newcomer candy company Hehim (burgeoning rival of popular brand Hershey) describes the Trump-or-Treat bar as “a nutty, cloyingly artificial orange chocolate bar, bursting with bullshit bits and salted-with-the-tears-of-detained-immigrant-children caramel filling.”
Hehim spokesperson Ray Zist says that the candy bar will begin appearing in select stores around the second week of October and that customers who can’t find the bars in-store will have the option of ordering them online via Hehim’s website. The obvious downside of the online option is that customers will have to pay shipping.
“No,” Zist corrected our reporter when asked to confirm the bars’ shipping cost. “I didn’t say TO PAY SHIPPING. I said TOUPÉE SHIPPING. Along with the candy bars, we’re selling Trump costumes.”
Zist says that the sales projections for Trump-or-Treat bars are “very, very good, and really, really not bad.” He expects the candy to easily sell out in its first few weeks but doesn’t intend to continue producing the product beyond the Halloween season.
“We have other plans in motion, though, so Hehim customers will definitely have more to look forward to in the future,” he told us. “Depending on the political climate over the next couple of weeks, folks may soon be finding themselves reaching into their pockets for one of our fruity and refreshing ImPeachMints. Our marketing team has been doing some heavy research, and it seems a lot of people want a little something to help get that bad taste out of their mouths.”
About the Author
Samantha Wassel is an Army Wife and SAHM to three energetic boys and three lazy AF cats. She enjoys running, writing, kettlebelling, reading, nerding out, and eating exorbitant amounts of goat cheese and Peanut Butter Halo Top ice cream (but not together, because barf). You can find more of her work at Between the Monkey Bars