You know what I wish I had? Bigger areola. I’m talking jumbo-sized saucer nips, attached to my jugs like pink beanbags. Just kidding, y’all. That’s ridiculous. No one in the world would want to plump up their nipples, except, holy shit, yes they do because it’s happening. People are injecting Restylane into […]
Beauty/Fashion
Bad News, Beauty Buffs: Popular Cosmetic Company Facing Class Action Suit for Eyelash Product
The wildly popular skincare company and multi-level marketing brand Rodan + Fields has found itself on the wrong end of a class action lawsuit for failing to disclose the side effects of its Lash Boost ingredients to consumers. The product, which costs a whopping $150 a pop, contains an ingredient […]
These $168 ‘Extreme Cut Out Jeans’ Are What’s Wrong With America
Just when you thought 2018 had decided to be kinder to women’s fashion, along comes the ‘Extreme Cut Out Jean’ by L.A.-based brand Carmar to fug up our existence. Selling for $168 a pop, which is a mere $167.50 above their value, these Depression-era eyesores are “a high rise pant […]
Swimsuit Season Strikes Again: Here Are the Worst of 2018
It’s that time of year again, ladies. It’s the time when we go through the racks of our local malls, declaring, “What fresh hell is this?” That’s right: It’s swimsuit season. And guess what? This year’s suits are even uglier and more impractical than they were in 2017. I have […]
The New Leave Me Alone Sweater Is the Answer to Most of Your Problems
You know how sometimes you go into Facebook or IG or Twitter, and you’re already bitter because you know the general suckage of society will overwhelm your feed, so you whisper to yourself, Come on, world. Tell me something good… Well, here it is. Here is something good that will […]
New Study Finds McDonald’s Fries Can Cure Baldness (Kind Of)
Stem cell researchers at Yokohama National University in Japan have developed a possible treatment for hair loss. Dimethylpolysiloxane, a silicone added to McDonald’s fries, was used to regrow hair on lab mice. When tested on human skin cells, researchers were able to grow hair follicle germs (HFG), which are the […]
Why I Can’t Wear Nice Things: A Mommy Tale
By Jessica Hernandez Before I had kids, I used to love the show What Not to Wear. The premise was simple: some dumpy schlub got outed as a fashion reprobate by her friends. In return for the humiliation, she got $10,000 worth of fabulous new duds. A staple guest on the […]
Penis Whitening Is Now a Thing and Headed to a Plastic Surgeon Near You
Because men can’t stop obsessing about the junk between their legs, penis whitening is now a thing. If he who is born with a penis is willing to travel to Lelux Hospital in Bangkok—the joke is not lost on me either—spend $650 and subject said thing to five laser treatments, […]