You know how sometimes you go into Facebook or IG or Twitter, and you’re already bitter because you know the general suckage of society will overwhelm your feed, so you whisper to yourself, Come on, world. Tell me something good…
Well, here it is. Here is something good that will help you face your days with courage. Because it allows you to hide so you actually don’t have to face anyone if you don’t want to.
It’s called the Leave Me Alone sweater, and you’re going to want one.
We heard about this amazeballs sweater last year and obviously were instantly obsessed with it. I mean, what’s not to love? It provides warmth during the dreary winter months AND a place to hide from your crabby neighbor Ethel, who just wants to bitch about your dog peeing on her tree, or Gretchen, Lululemon PTA mom trying to make you help with this year’s fundraiser. When you see them coming, just zip yourself right on up and poof! It’s like you disappeared. (You didn’t. But at least they’ll stop talking to you.)
After sharing her invention last year on Instructables, Ruth Grace Wong’s life changed forever. Her sweater concept went viral, and she knew her product was in high demand. “Lots of clothes are designed to say ‘come hither’. It’s time for a sweater that says ‘Leave Me Alone,” Wong’s press release says.
And introverts (or just those who are genuinely tired of peopling) rejoice.
The best part about this garment is that it actually doubles as a super cute cowl neck sweater, which means you can be social, if you so choose. But you have options. “The Leave Me Alone sweater is convertible,” Wong says. “Worn as a cowl neck, it’s cozy, stylish, and practical—but with a secret weapon. When the time is right, convert to leave-me-alone mode and tell the world how you really feel.”
How fast are you getting out your credit card right now?
Wong’s commitment to “ethical manufacturing” and use of “eco-conscious” fabrics means that the sweaters are made locally, in San Francisco, and are made of 55% hemp and 45% recycled polyester.
So for $80, you can get a super comfy sweater that’s eco-friendly and hides you from the world. Well, maybe not your kids. Because you know they’re gonna climb up into that bitch and beg for fruit snacks. Maybe Ruth Grace Wong’s next project can be to create something that gets them to leave us alone. She’d put Target out of business.
Seriously, though. Get on leavemealonesweater.com starting March 28 and put in your order! Imagine rolling into Thanksgiving this year ready to check out when Uncle Ed starts talking about his foot fungus. You can be like Bye! Zip. Done.
XS, S, M, and L sizes are available. In black—the only color for someone who truly wants to be left alone.