Wisconsin resident Charity Eigenberger was shocked to find a problematic assignment in her sophomore’s backpack. Her son, who attends Bradford High School in Kenosha, Wisconsin, watched a teaching video about sexual assault and was subsequently asked a very unnerving question: “What could the victim have done differently to have avoided her sexual assault?” Holy victim-blaming, Batman. I […]
Dutch Man Wants to Legally Change His Age from 69 to 49 to Get More Dates on Tinder
Every once in a while, I stumble upon a headline and think, “Are you shitting me?” Well, shitting you, I’m not. Emile Ratelband, a motivational speaker from the Netherlands, is petitioning a court to change his legal age from 69 to 49 by changing his birth certificate to reflect a date 20 years later than […]
Pecan Resist: New Anti-Trump Ice Cream Flavor Will Give You Life
Feeling burnt out by today’s political climate? Ben & Jerry are here to help. The Vermont-based company launched a new flavor today to offer a little encouragement to the world, and it has a catchy name: Pecan Resist. In a statement, the good folks at B & G’s said: The company cannot be silent in the face of President […]
Kelly Clarkson Is Getting Her Own Talk Show, and I’m Going to Watch the Sh*t Out of It
Sometimes things happen in life to remind you that God loves us and wants us to be happy. For instance, NBC Universal just announced that America’s favorite Idol, Kelly Clarkson, will be getting her own talk show. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I love me some KC. She has a voice that stops me in my tracks. Literally. No matter […]
Man Banned From All-You-Can-Eat Restaurant After Eating 100 Plates of Sushi
Triathelete Jaroslav Bobrowski of Landshut, Germany was a fish out of water recently when he was banned from a local buffet. His crime? Eating 100 plates of sushi. There is a story here, folks. But there are also a lot of fish puns I need to get through. Oh, you don’t like fish puns? I […]
Weirdest First Date Ever? Woman Saves Man After His Heart Stops
Talk about matters of the heart. California woman, Andi Traynor, had a rather unusual first date with 56-year-old Max Montgomery. They were doing what Californians do best: surfing. That’s when things got weird. Max reportedly felt a burning sensation in his chest, got out of the water, and fell over. He didn’t have a heartbeat for a full 17 […]
Walmart Is Testing Self-Driving Cars for Its Pickup Service and Anything’s Better Than Going in There
With Amazon shutting out brick-and-mortar retailers, Sam Walton’s franchise must think outside the cardboard box–starting with how Americans get their groceries. Walmart has teamed up with Waymo, Google’s former self-driving car program. They are currently testing self-driving cars in Phoenix. Those “early riders” who choose to participate in the pilot program will get to ride in […]
Undocumented Immigrants Pay $24 Billion a Year in Federal Tax
It’s a story with which we’re all too familiar. It’s breakfast time. I cheerily greet my elderly patient who is in his hospital bed, enjoying French toast and turkey bacon. A barking newscaster is on his television. My patient concurs with the talking head. “Those illegals,” he complains indignantly, using the term as a pejorative. “They’re […]