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Man Banned From All-You-Can-Eat Restaurant After Eating 100 Plates of Sushi

Triathelete Jaroslav Bobrowski of Landshut, Germany was a fish out of water recently when he was banned from a local buffet. His crime? Eating 100 plates of sushi.

There is a story here, folks. But there are also a lot of fish puns I need to get through. Oh, you don’t like fish puns? I don’t give a crappie. You’re about to get schooled.

I know it sounds fishy, but the strapping man you see in the photo above consumed around 300 tuna rolls in one sitting (or crab rolls, or California rolls, you get the idea.) The owner of the Running Sushi restaurant asked Bobrowski to leave and never come back. His appetite was off the hook. And kind of shellfish, if you ask me.

Was it a mistake? No. He dolphinately did it on porpoise.

So just how can a fit guy like Bobrowski consume nearly 4,000 calories of fish? The athlete practices intermittent fasting, where he only eats food for 4 hours per day–and fasts for the other 20. I actually practice intermittent fasting myself, and have found it to be a great way to stay fit and healthy. During my eating window, I consume a fair amount of healthy calories. But I’ve never eaten more than three plates of food. Methinks he should probably scale back.

Bobrowski is apparently being called “Sushi Man” in Germany and has gained viral fame in his country. People are hooked on the story. They’re reading all about it on the net, just for the halibut. It’s kraken them up.

Now, Germans are notoriously crabby and cheap, but he takes frugality to a whole new level. Can you imagine the nerve he must have to go for plate number 20, let alone 100? I feel like apologizing if I have to refill my drink at McDonald’s just one time. Last month, I took Red Robin up on their famous steak fry refill, and I have not ceased to be embarrassed since. One wonders if Bobrowski is the kind of guy who borrows other people’s Netflix passwords. I bet he takes every oppor-tuna-ty to save money.

According to his Facebook page he is an Ironman, a bodybuilding competitor, and a bonafide hottie. He works out daily, never flounders, so he has no need to fish for compliments. I mean, I’d date him. Except that he’d probably spend the whole evening shoving food down his gullet. And he likely smells of raw fish. And I don’t speak German. But these are minor details, people. He is a catch.

Will Brobowski find a new buffet? Any fin is possible. We’ll have to wait and sea. And if you can think of better fish puns, let minnow.