By Liz Bolton
Nineteen-month-old Xavier McKibbin of Arlington, Virginia, escaped his mother’s grasp during a routine diaper change in a nearby park, and squeezed through the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, after which he proceeded to squat down and defecate on the grass.
“It was such brilliant commentary on the state of our country and the literal mess that this administration has made of our government,” said Charlize Vignon of Damascus, Maryland, who was protesting outside the gates of the White House at the time. “That little boy did what millions of Americans would like to do.”
McKibbin, who was nude, except for a small plastic firefighter’s hat, was briefly detained by Secret Service agents but was released into the custody of his mother after screaming “Mama!” a hundred times and licking an officer furiously on the forearm.
The White House said in a statement, “This deliberate act of aggression will not stand. Those who think they can get away with disrespecting both a national monument and the office of the president are sorely mistaken. McKibbin will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”
When pressed, a representative for the administration admitted she was unclear what punishment could be meted out on an American toddler, adding that “it would be easier” if the child had been brought to this country illegally. “We’ve been doing a pretty good job of making those kids’ lives miserable,” the representative said.
McKibbin’s parents could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson for the family said, “We would like to apologize to anyone who was offended by Xavier’s actions. He’s very rambunctious and frankly this behavior shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s spent ten minutes in the McKibbin household. The family asks for privacy as they alternate between scolding Xavier and laughing uncontrollably when he’s not looking.”
At the time of the incident, protestor Vignon held a sign reading, “We will never stop,” but she later turned the sign around and wrote, “We will shit on your lawn.” The phrase has since become a rallying cry for the left as well as a popular meme; a television show of the same title is in the works.
About the Author
Liz Bolton was a professional actress and comedian in New York, Los Angeles and Amsterdam for eighteen years before moving sight unseen to Ketchikan, Alaska. At that point she stopped being sure what to call herself so she vacillates between “cookie baker,” “rain boot wearer” and “writer.” She writes about her new life in Alaska at northernrainforest.tumblr.com.