By Anna Jadow of Anna Doesn’t Want To
Hey guys!!! It’s Anna, here. Thank you SO much for joining me on my quarantine adventure! It’s been a rough couple of months, but hearing from you guys every day makes me feel so #grateful. I am truly #blessed to be doing what I love.
Now, a lot of you have been asking about my quarantine fitness routine (QuarFit by Anna), and I’m so excited to share it with you today! I KNOW that you can do it – I believe in you!
1. Start the day by sitting up in bed, stretching, and gratefully acknowledging the sunrise, right before you remember what’s in store for you with two children doing full-time Zoom school and a preschooler. Lie back down. Sit up and lie down 10 times.
2. Walk to the bathroom, splash cold water on your face, and give yourself a pep talk. Realize you’re full of shit, and scream silently. Hold for 30 seconds.
3. Make breakfast for five people. Remake breakfast for two of them, even though you made exactly what they asked for. Mumble “I’m LOSING it.” Laugh maniacally.
4. Panic.
5. Chase a naked preschooler around the house so that you can wrestle him into clothes before Zoom school.
6. Contemplate fun life choices such as Should we risk death to get the iPad screen fixed? (Answer: Yes).
7. Scream silently. Hold for 45 seconds.
8. Throughout the day, pick up 2,557 pieces of toys that have escaped from your little one’s sticky hands. Try and fail to find them their proper homes.
9. Catastrophize.
10. Sweep, laundry, dishes, sweep, laundry, dishes, sweep, laundry, dishes.
11. Open the new toys that you bought to entertain your preschooler while trapped at home for two months. He won’t play with them. Instead, he’ll purposely break all of them and then ask you for more new toys. Say no five times fast. Eventually give in.
12. Scream silently. Hold for 60 seconds.
13. Take out the trash. Repeat five times.
14. Fret.
15. Assist with Middle School homework. Turns out, you will need to know how to do geometry and cartography when you grow up, solely so that you can help your kids with their homework.
16. Eat OBSESSIVELY. Chewing burns calories.
17. Set up and deflate a bouncy house. Repeat three times.
18. Search for your lost mind.
19. Ruminate.
20. Fill up, empty, and refill a water table. I know it’s a waste of water, but I can’t listen to my little angel whining for One. More. Second. EXCORIATE ME.
And that, my friends, is QuarFit by Anna: The Secret to Remaining Fit While Quarantined. For more exercise hacks, click on the link in my bio and use code QuarFit for a limited-time discount. You guys are my #friendswhoarefamily.
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About the Author
Anna Jadow is a 41-year-old married mother of three from NYC (currently hiding from COVID on Long Island). She practiced law for almost a decade, and has been recovering from that painful period in her life by writing humorous essays on her website https://www.annadoesntwantto.com/, and by trying to make people laugh on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/anna.doesnt.want.to/