Pro-tip: make sure to wink after you say the name so the kids will know you're lit af.
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Bart Simpson Hired to Compile List of Grads for Mississippi Governor

As the “school” year winds down, high school seniors are finalizing their 13 years of education without the typical pomp and circumstance. I happen to teach all seniors, and I can tell you firsthand, there is extreme disappointment that the traditions of the past have been nixed this year. Sure, they gripe and complain about all of the “stupid” ceremonial duties they have to partake in, but as they say, you never know how much you love something until it’s gone.

To mitigate the loss of normalcy for these students, principals, superintendents, and governors in some cases, have created videos to commemorate the accomplishments of these young adults. During the time of a pandemic, it’s refreshing to have something comfortable to hold on to. It’s also refreshing when it’s laced with humor that only a teenager (and like-minded adults like myself) can appreciate. Especially when it slips under the nose of some crusty old politician.

So when the governor of Mississippi read off a list of graduates for the Class of 2020, it was with great pleasure that he included one particular student in general: Harry Azcrac.

Now I don’t know who actually compiled this list, but I have a feeling that heads are going to roll once it makes its way back to this dude. Truthfully, there should be ZERO repercussions. I mean, it’s hilarious, and provided the type of laughter that people so desperately need these days. If these white-New Balance-on-the-weekend types knew what was good for them, they’d put the names in intentionally.

So for all you suits out there tying to make a memorable moment for the Class of Covid-19, here is a list of funny names you should include among your actual graduates. Pro-tip: make sure to wink after you say the name so the kids will know you’re lit af.

Anita B. Jainow

Barry McCockiner

Clee Tores

Connie Lingus

Dixie Normous

Eaton Beaver

Eric Shun

Fonda Peters

Harry Balzonya

Hugh Janus

Jack Kanauf

Jenny Tayla

Kari Myzac

Mike Oxmaul

Neil Enbob

Oliver Clozov

Pat McGroin

Peter Fitzinwel

Phil McKrakin

Sharon Peters

Stacy Rect

Wayne Kerr

Side note: when I was in elementary school, there was a kid in the grade below named Michael Hunt. We didn’t know how funny (and terrible for him) that name was at the time. These names are all fun and games when a politician reads them in a video that will be shared with hundreds of thousands of people, but PLEASE do not use this list to come up with baby names. It’s way less funny when they’re real people.

Don’t forget to wink.