By Kelly Riibe
Potty Training Log: Day 01
The crew is excited to embark on the adventure of leaving saggy, stinky Pull-Ups behind in order to venture into the new territory of big boy underwear.
Cargo List:
Elmo undies and lots of Skittles for going the coveted #2 in the potty.
Crew List:
Captain Kristy Dells. Alternate call signs are: Mom, Mommy, or Mama. She is motivated to complete this mission for the following reasons:
- By discontinuing the use of disposable diapers, Kristy will help address Earth’s landfill problem.
- She would also like to stop wiping a butt that is not her own.
First Mate Tyler Dells. A.K.A.: Dad or Daddy. He has been given this second in command position out of family respect and because he is the only other crew member over the age of nine. Initially Tyler had concerns regarding the uncharted territory of “big boy pants” with son Miles. He has since changed his attitude and is now fully onboard with the potty training exhibition. The First Mate altered his resentment after receiving a punishment worse than death, the silent treatment, from his wife/Captain.
Chief Engineer Ava Dells. She is 8 ½ years-old and received this title because Ava is learning “new math” in school and her family is pushing her towards a women in STEM career. Her status as big sister also helped her receive this third in command post. Captain has dictated Ava’s chief engineering duties to include:
- Dump the potty chair when the first mate forgets.
- Aid her little brother Miles on excursions into the bathroom when the captain is too busy. The term “busy” encompasses the many duties performed by Captain Kristy, such as making dinner, housecleaning, bill paying, online grocery shopping, homework checking, plant watering, laundry, and any endeavor that can be categorized as household maintenance.
Deck Cadet Miles: He is 3-years-old and appears engaged with the idea of going potty and foregoing diapers.
Potty Training Log: Day 02
It is early days, but the crew is optimistic thus far on this voyage. Deck Cadet Miles entered the latrine on several occasions and even managed to stay completely dry for a period of 48 minutes. Five pairs of underwear were found soiled and soggy upon Captain’s inspection, but gains appear to be being made.
Potty Training Log: Day 03
Deck Cadet is still having frequent accidents, but a pair of underwear managed to stay dry for a period of over two hours. Hope amongst the crew could be felt.
Potty Training Log: Day 04, Day 05, Day 06
No change.
Potty Training Log: Day 07
Potty accidents appear to occur less often; however, Deck Cadet Miles is refusing to go #2 on the toilet. First Mate was sent out on a mission to find better snack incentives and came home with beef jerky. He was reprimanded and sent to the brig.
Potty Training Log: Day 08
Regression has set in as Deck Cadet Miles is starting to refuse underwear and whines to wear his pull-ups by repeating the words “NO GO POTTY.” Chief Engineer Ava seems to have lost interest in the mission and has taken to lobbying for Skittles at every meal since her little brother is always getting them.
Potty Training Log: Day 09-12
No significant change. Deck Cadet Miles has entered into a stalemate with the captain regarding going #2 in the potty and entering a public restroom. Leaving home base is becoming increasingly difficult as an excess of six pairs of back-up outfits must be packed for each excursion.
Potty Training Log: Day 13
Catastrophe has stricken and the exhibition was put on a 12-hour hold due to a plague-like epidemic. A quarantine yellow jack flag was flown at high mast. Captain’s investigation deciphered that Chief Engineer Ava brought home a stomach virus from school. All except the captain herself exhibited symptoms of pain and discomfort. It is thought that Captain Kristy was also ill. However, as a mother, she manned the helm and showed no weakness while her children and First Mate Tyler begged for carbonated beverages, unlimited screen time, and crackers.
Potty Training Log: Day 14-16
Deck Cadet Miles is showing more initiative at getting to the potty in time. Only a few daily accidents have been recorded; unfortunately, they all involved bowel movements and extra laundry for the captain.
Potty Training Log: Day 17
Victory is ours, as Deck Cadet went the entire day in dry undies and even managed to deposit a stool sample within the confines of a Target bathroom. Spirits among the crew and Captain are at an all-time high.
Potty Training Log: Day 18-20
Deck Cadet Miles has been completely accident free. A promotion for him to Third Officer is being considered.
Potty Training Log: Day 21
Slight regression noted, as Deck Cadet Miles had two accidents in the morning hours. Captain Kristy stayed the course and did not fret or abandon ship. “These things happen” has become the voyage’s new motto.
Potty Training Log: Day 22, Day 23
Deck Cadet Miles is back on track and Chief Engineer Ava has taken to shouting, “We got clean undies for DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
Potty Training Log: Day 24-30
No change. No accidents. Mission completed.
Crew intends to celebrate with dinner at Chuck E. Cheese before planning their next qwest. It is expected to involve the newly promoted Third Officer Miles to stop sucking his thumb (at least in public). Godspeed to all!
*****
About the Author
Kelly J. Riibe has four kiddos, a husband, a rescue mutt, and a mildly curbed addiction to fountain pop. Keeping busy for her involves staying home with her children and also finding work as a freelance writer. She has been published in Nebraska Magazine, Heels on a Farm, The Manifest-Station, BonBon Break, Parent.co, Living Here Magazine, Black Hills Faces Magazine, Pregnant Chicken, and Sammiches & Psych Meds. She is also the co-writer for the blog: www.familyfootnote.com. Follow her on Twitter at: @familyfootnote and @KJRiibe.