As a Canadian, I like to think of myself as free from the financially-draining and all-consuming allure of that certain retail chain that has captured hearts and wallets all over America. That’s right, Target, I’m looking at you.
Target is a favorite because of its low prices and huge selection of items that we moms JUST GOTTA HAVE! Fuck the Bermuda triangle; if you really want to lose control of your senses and potentially never be seen by your family again, just head on into Target during a super sale.
When you look around Target, chances are Target is looking at you back, its red dot peering deep within your aching soul so that it can find and exploit those needs you have burning deep within your chest. Floral dishtowels? Target knows what you want. A colorful set of anthropomorphic corn holders? Target gonna give it to ya. Light cardigans in multiple soft toned colors? COME TO MOMMA!
Now, we did have Target here in Canada for a hot minute, but it just wasn’t the same. I’ve been in a Target in the States and the experience was vastly different. Despite the fact that I get to look upon the mountains and trees in my great Northern country, I can say that sometimes I think back on that trip and smile longingly while thinking of those red-shirted employees and super reasonable prices.
Excuse me a moment, I’m starting to tear up.
Despite its popularity, Target is always there for the people. To lure them in, warp their sense of time, and give their money a new home. And for this we thank you.
15 Tweets About How We Fuggin’ Love Target
1. It’s a place where the laws of mathematics don’t apply
*Finds $1 in coat pocket*
*Blows $99 at Target*
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) October 24, 2018
2. Shopping there counts as a hobby
My wife's hobby is spending $300 at Target.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 11, 2015
3. It brings people together
Just saw a little girl prancing down a Target aisle with jazz hands, singing, “I need EVERYTHING I don’t have at HOOOME!”
Swear to God, I’m jazz-hands’ing right behind her.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) October 30, 2018
4. It keeps the economy moving
My husband found an extra chunk of cash in our checking account this month and realized I haven't been to Target in weeks.
Now he keeps making me say my name, the date, and who the President is.
— Mama Needs a Nap by Lauri Walker (@MamaNeedsa_Nap) March 26, 2019
5. It can star in your wildest fantasies
Husband: Just go to Target by yourself. I'll put the kids to bed.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) July 15, 2016
6. It has everything you need, across the lifespan
Friend: Target just sent an email that you updated your baby registry
Friend: Your child is 6.
Me: Right, well, turns out they still need shit
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) December 16, 2017
7. Loyalty is encouraged
Target, stop wasting your money serving me ads.
I’ll shop there ‘til death. It’s fine.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) February 9, 2018
8. Online options make pants optional
It’s Friday night so things are about to get all crazy with my husband asleep on the couch and me on the Target webpage.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 23, 2019
9. You’re gonna need a cart boo, trust
No woman is more full of shit than the one that grabs a basket at Target.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) March 19, 2019
10. Priorities take the backseat
Nothing haunts us like the things we took out of our shopping cart at Target right before the checkout line
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) August 1, 2018
11. At Target, every dream matters
Me: Everyone should follow their true calling in life.
Husband: Shopping at Target isn’t a calling.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 30, 2018
12. There’s a huge selection of things you probably gonna bring home
My wife ran to Target for razor blades, which is how we ended up with a new blender and a hammock.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 19, 2018
13. It’s like a home away from home
If anyone is thinking about bringing their kids to Target today and you’re worried they might melt down and thrown a big fit in the middle of the bath mat aisle, don’t worry. We already did that today. It’s been covered.
— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) March 23, 2019
14. It’s your safe place
I feel like if my soul ever left my body it would look down to just see me wandering Target
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 31, 2018
15. People just care about each other there
I saw a person leave Target without buying anything. We are all concerned.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) October 23, 2018
So here’s to you, Target! May your wide selection and affordable pricing keep us all hemorrhaging money for many more years to come!