Humor Tweets

15 Tweets About How We Fuggin’ Love Target

As a Canadian, I like to think of myself as free from the financially-draining and all-consuming allure of that certain retail chain that has captured hearts and wallets all over America. That’s right, Target, I’m looking at you.

Target is a favorite because of its low prices and huge selection of items that we moms JUST GOTTA HAVE! Fuck the Bermuda triangle; if you really want to lose control of your senses and potentially never be seen by your family again, just head on into Target during a super sale.

When you look around Target, chances are Target is looking at you back, its red dot peering deep within your aching soul so that it can find and exploit those needs you have burning deep within your chest. Floral dishtowels? Target knows what you want. A colorful set of anthropomorphic corn holders? Target gonna give it to ya. Light cardigans in multiple soft toned colors? COME TO MOMMA!

Now, we did have Target here in Canada for a hot minute, but it just wasn’t the same. I’ve been in a Target in the States and the experience was vastly different. Despite the fact that I get to look upon the mountains and trees in my great Northern country, I can say that sometimes I think back on that trip and smile longingly while thinking of those red-shirted employees and super reasonable prices.

Excuse me a moment, I’m starting to tear up.

Despite its popularity, Target is always there for the people. To lure them in, warp their sense of time, and give their money a new home. And for this we thank you.

15 Tweets About How We Fuggin’ Love Target

1. It’s a place where the laws of mathematics don’t apply

2. Shopping there counts as a hobby

3. It brings people together

4. It keeps the economy moving

5. It can star in your wildest fantasies

6. It has everything you need, across the lifespan

7. Loyalty is encouraged

8. Online options make pants optional

9. You’re gonna need a cart boo, trust

10. Priorities take the backseat

11. At Target, every dream matters

12. There’s a huge selection of things you probably gonna bring home

13. It’s like a home away from home

14. It’s your safe place

15. People just care about each other there

So here’s to you, Target! May your wide selection and affordable pricing keep us all hemorrhaging money for many more years to come!