Food is great — it tastes good and keeps us alive. We require it to live, but if food is the vessel of life, then snacks are the muthafuckin’ spaceship that makes life worthwhile!
Snacks are the shit. Go ask any toddler. In a world of inequality, differing perspectives and divisive politics, a love for snacks is the singular thing that brings us all together. Not even religion can say that.
Indeed, there is no such thing as a person who doesn’t love snacks. Because if there were, that “person” would be deemed a monster. Across time and space, snacks are the glue, the universal lifeforce that runs through all of us. Old and young alike, we’re all suckers for some good yum yum energy from the things we nosh on that aren’t quite meals.
What constitutes a snack, you ask? Hard to say, friend, because these tasty morsels are just that versatile. Crackers are a snack, maybe a pizza is too. Wink in the mirror, you minx, because the snack can also be you.
Snacks are there for you always. They never judge and they fill up your mouth and your belly with comfort. A snack can usually fit in your purse and act as an emotional support companion wherever you go. If you were to tally shit up, I’ll bet snacks have been more there for you than your husband, friends or parents.
1. They’re like an all-purpose prescription for happiness
Hungry? Have a snack
Tired? Have a snack
Cranky? Have a snack
Planning to take over the world? Have a snack
Snacks are ALWAYS the answer
— Meg the Magnificent (@meghaffer) November 20, 2018
2. Very sage marriage advice
Marry someone who hates your favorite snack.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) February 20, 2019
3. I’m more “hungry mom” than “cool mom” but ok
Me: Gotta stock up- snow storm is coming!
Cashier: What a cool mom getting all these awesome snacks for the kids!
Me:..for the kids…yeah
— Marl (@Marlebean) January 7, 2017
4. Survivalism at its finest
Mom status: Hiding in the pantry, eating the snacks I told my kids they couldn’t have.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 18, 2017
5. Being the cool mom is easy when you’re never more than 5 feet away from some cool ranch
Me: Which mom on the street has the best snacks?
Neighbor’s kid: (grabbing a handful of Doritos off my plate) Not my mom.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 15, 2019
6. People always want to pal around with the person packing food, and can you blame them?
"Do you ever just feel like people only want you for snacks?"
*sadly pulls a tortilla chip out of my bra to dab the tears away*
— ~*Wellness Witchery*~ (@TheMandiEm) February 23, 2018
7. To snack is to breathe
If your kid isn't begging for a snack, did they even eat dinner 5 minutes ago?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 22, 2017
8. Shall it be cereal or shall it be the family pack of corn chips…
I take off my glasses & rub the bridge of my nose like I'm contemplating what you're asking me but really I'm just planning my next snack.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) September 25, 2016
9. Feed your kids so many snacks you can’t help but be nourished by the crumbs they create
I haven't eaten anything more than chicken nugget crumbs in 2 days but by all means, child, I'll happily get your 3,576th snack of the day.
— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) August 18, 2016
10. Snacks are always a crowd-pleaser, except when they aren’t
Me: Hey, buddy, I made your favorite snack!
Toddler: *inexplicable crying*
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 5, 2018
11. That second thing is gonna free up SO. MUCH. TIME.
What we really mean when we say parenting gets “easier” is that kids eventually sleep more and get their own snacks.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) May 31, 2018
12. Happy Father’s Day! Enjoy the bonding time with the littles.
I’m going to buy my husband one of those huge gift baskets of snacks for Father’s Day.
He can have a little fun being the snack bitch for the kids for a few weeks.
— Snarky Breeders (@snarkybreeders) June 8, 2018
13. Oh ok, cool, I thought that was where we were
In hell, a kid appears to ask you for a snack every time you're about to eat something.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 20, 2017
14. So real, so raw… it hurts
Think you're ready for kids?
First, see how you handle doubling your grocery bill by buying a lot of snacks.
Still good? Ok, how does dumping half of them into the trash sound?
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 22, 2019
15. Snack and healthy are kind of opposites, no?
Child: Can I have a snack?
Me: Yes, but something healthy.
Child: Never mind.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 19, 2020
ALL HAIL SNACKS!
They say that perfection doesn’t exist, but with you we come close!