Here is the deal: I can’t with you two breaking up. I don’t want to be insensitive or selfish, but why are you doing this to me? I’m trying so hard to figure out what I did to make things fall apart. Did I not go to enough of your […]
Humor
To the Couple Who Stared with Disgust at My Kids in Public
I saw you as we came in to the restaurant, my 7 and 4-year-olds bumping into the wait staff and crowding the already narrow walkway, my cranky 8-month-old whining for his bottle despite just having eaten before we left home. I saw your eyes turn toward one another, a knowing […]
Ultimate Guide to Saving Face the Lazy Way
If you are anything like me (and let’s face it — if you’re a woman, you are because we both have boobs), you may find yourself running late. There are often tough choices to make in the morning in order to get back on track once that snooze button cycle […]
Introducing The F.U.D. AKA The Vag Gadge
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] By Nicole Johnson of Suburban Sh*t Show: Tales from the Tree-Lined Trenches I can’t believe the things people come up with. Recently, after my rant about Period Panteez, a friend of mine tossed a gem my way. The Female Urination Device (F.U.D., yes, FUD) or STP (stand-to-pee […]
Are You SURE You Want to Be My Friend?
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] At the beginning of a friendship with me, I’m shy and reserved, simply keeping the conversation light. I take care with my words and ponder over how to address you. Hi!, Hello!, How are you? Shit, which intro should I use? She’s a really cool person. […]
Legitimate Reasons Jehovah’s Witnesses Belong In Your Life
[nextpage title=”Page 1″ ] We’ve all been there. You’re binging on your favorite Netflix show while shoving pizza bites in your mouth. Suddenly there’s a knock on the door that makes your dog bark so loud, you simultaneously drop your glass of wine and curse out loud because now the […]
5 Common Courtesies to Ditch with Toddlers
We are tasked with teaching our children common courtesy. It’s the right and decent thing to do. But be careful about starting this training too early. Rather, start as early as you can, but know that you are not bound by the rules you teach. In their formative years, we […]
11 Reasons I’m Not Answering Your Calls
I’m tired of apologizing for not answering the phone. Maybe I do it because deep down, I really am an asshole. I’m sure you want to know why, so here are some reasons I’m not answering your calls. 1. I’m Peeing I drink a lot of fluids. I have kidney […]