At the beginning of a friendship with me, I’m shy and reserved, simply keeping the conversation light. I take care with my words and ponder over how to address you.
Hi!, Hello!, How are you?
Shit, which intro should I use? She’s a really cool person. What can I say so she will be interested in being my friend?
I’ll talk about my kids, my family, try to gauge what we have in common. We will have quite a few chit chatty conversations that are meaningless though fun. I’ll google jokes and witty comebacks to keep you interested in talking to me.
Fuck, it’s taken her five minutes to respond; she hates me. I’m done. I’m going to die with no friends.
I’ll practice honorable intentions when it comes to attempting to contact you, messaging you at least once a day to start a new conversation. I’ll show you how interested I am, then drop off the face of the earth.
You’re being too needy! Back the hell off. God, you messaged her twice today?! Really, what the hell are you thinking?! She’s going to call the five-oh on you for harassment.
I’ll Facebook stalk you after approximately our third conversation, looking through each of your photos, reading as many posts as I can to gauge where your interests lie.
Oh, look! She likes Pitbulls and books. Let’s find Pitbull pictures and book quotes that she will like! OMG, I’m totally going fangirl on her. Fuck, she’s going to get weirded out on me.
[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]Eventually, I will feel like you’re bored with me and stop messaging you altogether. I’ll like a picture you post here and there. Make some random comments on your posts. But I’ll await your instigation of conversation.
She’s not going to message me. She’s sick of me. She didn’t like me to begin with. I drove her away. I’m a horrible friend. OH MY GOD! SHE MESSAGED ME! Play it cool, play it cool. Calm down before you answer.
After a while, I’ll think we have a strong friendship, and my crazy will come out. I’m talking the kind of crazy you see in movies.
Did that bitch just post on Facebook? She hasn’t responded to my most recent message in hours. Who the hell does she think she is? I’m going to call her on that shit. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t. I should just wait for her to message me. Fuck it, I’m going in.
I will weird you out. Scare you away. Cry because you’re terrified of me.
I’m such a horrible friend. I’m a loser. I need to get out more. She’s never going to talk to me again. Sniff… Is that her messaging me?
A bit over the top? Perhaps. But it’ll never be boring. That much I can promise.
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