We’ve all been there.
You’re binging on your favorite Netflix show while shoving pizza bites in your mouth. Suddenly there’s a knock on the door that makes your dog bark so loud, you simultaneously drop your glass of wine and curse out loud because now the baby’s crying!
You swear on the soon-to-be dead body at your door that you’re going to choke the everloving life out of whoever dared to interrupt your six minutes of solitude.
As you open the door, an immediate sense of peace and calm overcomes you as you realize it’s your friendly neighborhood Jehovah’s Witness.
If you’ve never had a boring Saturday interrupted by what you may think is an annoying surprise visit, just wait. And if you have? Here are legitimate reasons Jehovah’s Witnesses are good for you.
They’re perfect for those who don’t really like to talk.
The only word you will need to utter while your new friends are visiting is “No.” Once you affirm negatively that you, in fact, have not received the good word, they will naturally take it from there. You may feel even more at ease when you find out their material is named the “Watchtower.” After all, weren’t you just watching “OITNB”?
They reinforce the idea that there’s no need to feel guilty for day drinking.
Don’t worry about hiding your almost-empty bottle of Woodbridge. Witnesses love to drink! Unlike their brothers and sisters who ride the bicycles, they can be found taking shots at the local bar or kicking back with a beer at the neighborhood BBQ. While they don’t imbibe until inebriated, they certainly share the need to relax with alcohol after a long day with the kids. You’ll be happy to know they don’t actually torture or sacrifice young children, contrary to popular belief.
[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Page 2″ ]You’ll never be faced with that awkward conversation about what not to wear.
Have you ever been asked to “be a friend and tell her she doesn’t look good in that prairie dress”? No? Its OK. You won’t need to ever be that friend with these folks. They dress just like you and me. None of those weird hats with the long ribbon ties or simply made dresses. No need to let them know their Yarmulke doesn’t match. There is no shame in a shoulder or a little bit of ankle with them.
You can throw away your embarrassment over becoming forgetful of important occasions as you get older.
Jehovah’s Witnessess may not know they have the best of both worlds. Not only do they know the secrets to becoming closer to God, but they also don’t celebrate birthdays or Christmas or any of those other expensive, soul-draining holidays. Forgot the birthday of your new friend’s child? No problem. Got so caught up in shopping for your own needy family that you didn’t make it to Walgreen’s before midnight on Christmas Eve? Don’t sweat it. You will actually cause them embarrassment at having to decline what is probably a crappy gift anyway.
In conclusion, one of the best things about allowing the dreaded Witness into your home is at least they’ll ask if they can come back and discuss the reading material they left behind, setting a date and time.
This way, the next time they come knocking, you can hide behind your couch, shoving Cheerios in your toddler’s mouth while trying to keep silent until they move along.
This post was originally published here.
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