By Elizabeth Argyropoulos of Bourgeois Alien Dear Republican Party, It has come to my attention that you have been spreading misleading and malicious misinformation regarding my teachings and general philosophy on how to lead a compassionate life. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? I demand that you cease and desist these […]
Author: Mock Mom
This Year We’re Thankful for Starbucks’ Vagina Cups
By MockMom Every single year, Fox News starts some bullshit controversy over Starbucks’ holiday cups, such as: “Another year of the war on Christmas.” “NOT JESUS-Y ENOUGH!” “These are obviously tribute to the Lord of Darkness.” “That particular red is a dog whistle to those slutty temptresses who seduced the good […]
Overachieving Babies Learning Sign Language In Utero
By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised A child in New York City has come out of the womb, complaining that her parents were too loud during her fetal days. “We taught her sign language while she was gestating and were surprised by how much she retained,” Mrs. Hollis signed while she […]
Trump Suggests Building His Wall Using Slot Machines
By E.R. Catalano of Zoe vs. the Universe First-time world leader, and longtime stranger to self-reflection and nuance, President Donald Trump has got a plan, and that plan is a wall that he claims will pay for itself. That’s because, according to insiders, the “wall” that will run along the […]
I Completely Disagree With Everything About This Article I Never Read
I am offended that this site would even publish this article that I didn’t bother to read. Please don’t bother encouraging me to even skim it. The 8-12 words in its headline already tell me everything I need to know about this subject that, as it turns out, I’m […]
Local Mom Forgets Diaper Bag, Survives to Tell the Tale
By Kelly J. Riibe of familyfootnote.com Thanks to MacGyver-like skills, Liz Donovan was able to persevere and save an afternoon park playdate from complete implosion, despite leaving her diaper bag at home on the kitchen counter. “It got a little crazy at times, especially when my five-month-old had a poop explosion and […]
Toddler Marketing 101
By Jordan of Motherhood Collective Class, welcome to Toddler Marketing 101. I’m so glad you’ve elected to take this course, and I can say with some confidence that you will find the information we will cover this semester invaluable within the next 10 to 15 years. In fact, I would go so […]
9 Rules For My Kid That I Enforce With the Relentlessness of a Starving Wolverine
By Andrew Knott of Explorations of Ambiguity 1. Dry cereal eaten straight from the box is not lunch. You have to eat in a bowl with milk for it to qualify as lunch. 2. When performing stunts on the couch, barstools cannot be used as jumping platforms, only kitchen chairs. Kitchen chairs […]