By Kristine Laco of Mum Revised

A child in New York City has come out of the womb, complaining that her parents were too loud during her fetal days.

“We taught her sign language while she was gestating and were surprised by how much she retained,” Mrs. Hollis signed while she talked to us, so as not to exclude her girl, Bethany.

After pronouncing her Apgar score to be a perfect ten by showing all her exquisitely formed digits, Bethany’s first words were, “Can we stop all the bickering?” Bethany, of course, can’t speak yet, so her parents helped us with her signing.

This child has caused quite a stir in the medical community.

“We did not know fetuses could understand through the uterine walls and communicate. This new knowledge is going to be integral in future child deliveries,” said Dr. Kahn.

“I can now foresee a world where the child determines the birth plan. Or even what color they would like their room to be. The opportunities are endless.” Dr. Kahn was being taught sign language by the infant when we left him.

For now, Bethany’s family members are running around, fulfilling Bethany’s every wish. So far she has wanted to get a puppy, meet Harry Potter, sit in her poopy diaper for an entire day, and see what all the fuss was about with The Walking Dead.

“We have had an incredible time fulfilling all of Bethany’s wishes,” Mrs. Hollis stated. “We suspect she can even read lips now, too. Which is convenient when we are having adult conversations,” Mrs. Hollis began to cry. The pride was all too much. Mr. Hollis was unavailable for comment, as he had Bethany on a helicopter tour of the city.

A version of this post was first published on Mum Revised.

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About the Author

Kristine Laco shares her stories at MumRevised.com with a splash of sarcasm and a pinch of bitch. She lives in the Toronto area and is a stay-at-home mother of two kids aged 14 and 12 and a fur-baby. Her middle finger is her favorite. You can find more from her on Facebook and Twitter.