By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt From the Desk of Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Due to recent events, specifically the rudeness with which Jim Acosta accosted one of our own staffers during a press conference earlier this week, the White House has released the official list of […]
1. Unless action is taken soon, the global climate is being altered in ways that will surely lead to the utter demise of every living creature on your planet (except the cockroaches, for it has been prophecized that they shall one day inherit the land). The Ruling Oligarchy, however, […]
By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt – Lose your FOMO and embrace the JOMO. – Go back to a simpler time and order coffee from literally anywhere other than Starbucks. – Buy an avocado and an entire loaf of artisan bread with the money you save […]
By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt *In case you couldn’t tell, these are not real Kanye West tweets. ***** About the Author Mother of Doom and Destruction, Alison Huff is a writer who actually lives on a road named Mock; a move she felt was kismet. […]
By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt BERLIN CENTER, OHIO—Earlier this morning, 39-year-old Emma Snodgrass, mother of two tween daughters, awoke to silence in her home. “It was eerie,” Snodgrass recalled. “At first, I thought I was still asleep and dreaming. When I realized I was awake, […]
By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt PALO ALTO, CA — Despite countless warnings that link childhood vaccinations with artism, Mark Zuckerberg, the tech genius and billionaire smartypants who owns Facebook, subjected his innocent, 2-month-old daughter to vaccines earlier this month. Since we hid in the bushes […]
By Alison Huff of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt Atlanta, GA — In a study being released this week, doctors are now urging the public to avoid temptation and overindulgence in pumpkin food items during the autumn season. Hipsters, yoga-pant-wearing white girls, and suburban moms are at particularly high […]
By Alison Lee The hours of 5:00 to 6:30 in the morning are my favorite. I feel like myself because I’m alone. I do my thing. The only butt I wipe is mine, the only beverage I fetch is my coffee, and the only sound is Adele’s music in my […]