How many organs have they eaten today? Were they meat or pianos? Are your pianos vegan?
“I can actually put my English degree to good use. Like, by wiping my kid’s butt with it.”
I just want to spend my February 14th in comforting, self-loathing isolation without having to worry about some insensitive jackass sending me flowers.
Nothing dismantles the patriarchy more effectively than a woman who has left the workforce. Did you know breastfeeding burns calories? Daddy will love that!
Decide to move to Norway. Hope everyone is willing to help get your son into his snow clothes! It takes a village and they’re into Democratic Socialism, right?
Make sure your chimneys and door frames are up to code. If not, Santa may opt to skip your home, you derelict trash.
Interested in shelling out your life savings for a barely-visible silhouette of the school janitor? We’ve got you covered.
“Before you do anything with your child, stop and ask yourself, ‘Did I read the online advice first?’”