How many organs have they eaten today? Were they meat or pianos? Are your pianos vegan?
“I can actually put my English degree to good use. Like, by wiping my kid’s butt with it.”
Keep this helpless little thing alive while teetering on the brink of death and insanity due to lack of sleep. Good luck and godspeed!
“Before you do anything with your child, stop and ask yourself, ‘Did I read the online advice first?’”
Who knew Brad Pitt’s body of work so aligned with my life? Now if only he could make movies called “Why Is This Wet?” and “My Best Friend, Chocolate.”
Never doubt the strength and physical superpowers of women. We’ve been through some shit, and still manage to look good and stay cool.
Motherhood is a wild ride and helps turn us into badass women with hearts of gold.
And remember to extend this kindness to yourself. You are also doing great and deserve a pat on the back, too.