By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars
Coming hot off the heels of the news that ABC recently rejected a Frida Mom postpartum ad for its “graphic content,” fellow TV Network pBS announced last week that it will no longer tolerate ads containing “the foul, bloody language” often associated with women’s menstruation.
“We broadcast to millions of Americans across the country,” stated pBS CEO Mason Djist. “I’m guessing about half of those viewers are men, so we obviously need to cater to that half of our demographic. The last thing we want is for our male viewers to feel even the slightest unease while trying to relax after a long day of work and, in a lot of cases, interacting with hormonal women. There are certain words regarding ‘that time of the month’ that are just plain gross.”
Djist says that words like “period,” “tampon,” “pad,” “diva cup,” “menstruation,” and “cycle” will no longer be permitted in any of the commercials his network airs.
“When you really get down to it, it’s just fucking gross,” Djist told us. “We men hear enough of that shit already. We shouldn’t have to listen to it while we’re trying to literally tune out the women in our lives by watching TV.”
Djist said the network has already pulled several tampon commercials that fail to meet the company’s new standards, and has encouraged feminine hygiene product companies to adjust their vocabulary if they want to continue advertising with pBS.
“We suggest using alternative language to describe these kinds of products,” Djist said. “Specifically, we would like to see terminology that looks at feminine hygiene products from a more male perspective, as all things should be.”
Djist said he assembled an all-male creative team to devise a list of acceptable, less offensive terms to replace the “nasty” words currently used in a number of feminine hygiene product ads. They include the following:
- Monthly Blood Fest (in place of the word Menstruation)
- That Time of the Month You Shouldn’t Suggest Sex (Period)
- Nasty Lady Business (Cycle)
- Gore Gush (Flow)
- That Thing She Shoves Up Her Vag that Is NOT Your Dick (Tampon)
- Lady Diaper (Pad)
- Blood Goblet (Diva Cup)
- Pinchy Ow Ows (Cramps)
- Bitches (Women)
“We just think these alternatives are a lot less graphic,” Djist said. “We’d hate for anyone watching our network to feel uncomfortable. Or worse, to suggest that talking openly and honestly about the female body is somehow acceptable.”
About the Author
Samantha Wassel is a sarcastic and slightly unhinged SAHM to three energetic boys and three lazy AF cats. She enjoys running, writing, kettlebelling, reading, nerding out, and eating exorbitant amounts of goat cheese and Peanut Butter Halo Top ice cream (but not together, because barf). You can find more of her work at Between the Monkey Bars