MockMom SPM/MM

Last Few Threads Desperately Trying to Keep Yoga Pants Intact


By MockMom

Amidst rapidly deteriorating conditions, the remaining threads in a local mother’s pair of yoga pants are struggling to keep a hole on its inner thigh from ripping apart completely.

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“It’s been months now,” said one of the longer, especially-stressed threads. “I’m really not sure how much longer we can hang on. I know it sounds morbid, but part of me wishes she’d just put us out of our misery already.”

“They say, ‘Thick thighs save lives,’ but we’ve lost a lot of good men out here,” said another thread.

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The dozen or so persisting threads remain in imminent danger. And the literal stress they’re under is becoming unbearable.

“She was doing squats in her living room today. SQUATS!” said a visibly shaken thread. “We’re stretchy, but we’re not miracle workers.”

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When asked for comment, the local mom (who wishes to remain anonymous) said she “doesn’t wear the pants outside the house” and “is totally planning to get a new pair next pay day.”