October is a fun month, full of fallen leaves, pumpkin spice, and trips to the ol’ pumpkin patch. October is for apple picking, costume hunting, and filling your home with earth-toned seasonal shit to amaze and impress your guests. October is also officially spooky season, which means Halloween fun and handfuls of delicious, tiny treats.
With all of these things going on, it’s no wonder that hilarity is around every corner. There is no shortage of opportunities for kids to say and do the most random shit to make those memories you’re making even MORE memorable.
But let’s face it, kids are pretty funny every month. Despite how incredibly frustrating they can be, kids are definitely a nonstop source of funny due to their typical kid antics.
The following list is made up of some of the funniest tweets from the parents of Twitter for October 2019!
20 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents in October
Here’s to October – the month where we transition from sun to sweaters, from frappucinos to lattes, and our kids get a taste of mooched candy and transition from “adorable child in a witch costume” to “actual monster who doesn’t have a hopes chance in Hell of going to bed without a fight.”
1. This all makes sense, ok?
Me, to my Kid: We don’t play with knives and we don’t waste food
Me, to my Kid, but on Halloween: Use this knife to hack into this food we’re gonna throw away tomorrow
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) October 29, 2019
2. You know what? Fuck sandwiches.
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 9, 2019
3. So spooky you’ll want to run away and never come back!
A house of horrors, but it’s just the mess my family has made in our own home.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 27, 2019
4. Who’s the big dog now?
Heard a rival dad in the neighborhood was handing out full size candy bars so now every trick-or-treater that comes to my door is getting an entire rotisserie chicken.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 26, 2019
5. SHE’S A WITCH!
I grabbed the right Tupperware lid on the first try and I've never felt more drunk with power.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 20, 2019
6. On Halloween, the veil between truth and lies thins.
"No, no, no," I explain patiently, for the fifth time today. "Candy has ZERO calories when you steal it from a plastic pumpkin."
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) October 31, 2019
7. #grateful #thankful #mycuprunnethover
I was in labor for more than 10 hrs with my toddler and she shows her gratitude by singing "there is no more penis, mommy ate all the penis" my toddler saying penis instead of peanuts is the motherhood gift I was given, blessed.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) October 2, 2019
8. You mean “the cool mom,” right?
I’m less of a “Don’t say that” mom and more of a “Don’t say that at school” mom.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) October 22, 2019
9. I need a 10 pack of ALL of these
Different scented candles moms can burn so everyone can tell what mood they're in like: Frazzle & Laundry Mold, No Fucks & Cleaning Everything With Baby Wipes, Stale Coffee & Bordering a Nervous Breakdown.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 3, 2019
10. Let’s all say a prayer for poor Mary
Being a parent of 1 kid: I don't know who I trust to babysit my child.
Being a parent of 2 feral toddlers: [summons Bloody Mary]
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 19, 2019
11. A momentous occasion!
Told my wife her fall decorations were gourd-eous and my dadbod immediately leveled up.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 19, 2019
12. If they don’t then who will?
Have kids so you always have someone to point out how long your nose hairs are while standing in checkout lines.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 8, 2019
13. Feels Ah-maze-ing!
Sex is good and all but have you ever vacuumed up a bunch of tiny LEGO pieces your kids refused to put away?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 11, 2019
14. Why would you think there is something up?
*water gushes down the stairs*
Me: WHAT IS HAPPENING UP THERE?!
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 15, 2019
15. Everyday moods.
Parents are equal parts "My kids give me life" and "I just need everyone to leave me the hell alone."
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 12, 2019
16. Just grab a round one, and let’s peace outta here.
My kids just deliberated over which pumpkins to pick at the patch for longer than I deliberated whether to get pregnant with them.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 5, 2019
“hey, look at this pic of my kid next to a pumpkin”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 29, 2019
18. What can we say, it’s a special occasion.
Me, to my kids on any other day:
Don’t talk to strangers!
It’s not cool to drop in uninvited
It’s rude to beg
You don’t need that!
Candy rots your teeth!
let’s go walk around the neighborhood & knock on stranger’s doors pleading for sugary shit we 100% do not need
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) October 29, 2019
19. Shhh… don’t tell Instagram.
You can enjoy a pumpkin patch without a floppy hat. It’s not a requirement.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) October 22, 2019
20. The code has been CRACKED.
It’s not heavy, it’s just awkward.
-Dads when something is too heavy for them.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 30, 2019
Make sure to make some memories with your friends by giving this a share!
After all, everyone could use a laugh after Halloween while they’re wrangling their kids off the ceiling all hopped up on Jolly Ranchers and mini Twix bars.