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17 Funny Tweets About Halloween Candy

Whoever said “bigger is better” obviously didn’t know the joy of fun-sized candy bars. Halloween is coming, people, which means spooky vibes, slutty costumes, and ALL THE TINY CANDY!

Tiny candy has big heart. It doesn’t judge you when it sees your big head peering into the candy bag, shuffling about all the suckers and fruit snacks to get into that true chocolate deliciousness. Tiny candy is like therapy that fits in your pocket. Tiny candy tastes best when bargained from strangers in the dead of night. Tiny candy is most delicious when stolen.

Halloween is such an amazing time of year, but a lot of the hype is because of the FREE CANDY. When it comes to candy bars, most of the year I’m a king size bitch. However, once spooky season hits, I’d much rather gorge myself with fistful after fistful of delicious mini bars. It’s tradition.

In recent years they have started to sell smaller sized candy bars year-round in very boring packaging. However, these don’t have the same pull as the once-a-year special of Halloween treats. It’s a seasonal thing, and really that candy just doesn’t taste the same unless it was born of child labor and parental thievery.

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Here’s What The Funny People Of Twitter Had To Say About Halloween Candy!

1. The Halloween Candy binge is a family sport

2. Rawr

3. It’s called method acting sweetie, pass me another lil’ Snickers

4. I’m as shocked as you are – outrageous!

5. See you after bedtime, you fetching little things

6. It’s the most wonderful tiiiiime of the year

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7. Alpha move, it’s just nature

8. Someone make a Hallmark card for this, the holiest of days

9. Haha, practice, amirite?

10. They can have the wine gums and the lollipops

11. Watch out, I’m packing

12. It’s a very authentic lewk

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13. Have fun picking through the bags of Dots when I’m done, bish

14. #Blessed

15. If you pace yourself you can get, like, 2 weeks of good behavior


17. I’m a conscientious parent

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So here’s to Halloween Candy!

Thank you for being there – in our hearts, in our lives, and stashed in our purses.

And parents, never forget: You DESERVE that candy you’re totally going to steal from your kids. Y’all deserve nice things too.

Make sure to share this list with a friend who could use a treat! Lord knows they aren’t gonna get any of this precious, tiny pocket-candy.