Food and Drink Parenting

Most Obvious Survey Ever Shows Parents Eat Kids’ Halloween Candy


In very obvious news, a survey conducted by found that 78% of American parents steal their kids’ candy, and 28% actually eat more of it than their kids do.

Ok, first of all – it’s not stealing. It’s called a tax. We are parents. We feed, clothe, and put up with all sorts of fuckery. We are reimbursed in hugs and love, yes, but we are also reimbursed in pinched Halloween candy.

And secondly – we eat more of it because we care about their health, duh. That one is an act of pure selflessness.

The survey collected responses from 3,099 adults. Of the respondents, 85% planned on celebrating Halloween.

I would argue that Halloween is one of the best holidays we have. Sure, the whole concept is a little shady – taking your children out to mooch from strangers, knocking on their doors like a shameless insurance provider. Doing all of this while dressed in any manner of spooky/unusual/woefully culturally appropriated costume (seriously, put some thought into the costumes; I promise it won’t take away from the fun).

Oh, and did I mention it’s in the dark? You know, that time of day where visibility is super low for drivers and the weirdos are out in full force?

Despite all of this, I personally love Halloween. I honestly can’t tell if it’s the former goth in me, or the current free candy lover. What can I say is I just love having a whole whack of itty bitty chocolate bars in the house. I feel so dainty when I eat 25 of them in one sitting.

According to the survey from, 71% of Americans buy more candy than they will need for Halloween. Of course we do! All the candy we eat before Halloween is the pre-gaming. The candy we eat after is not being wasteful. The trick is to buy enough to give all the kids and still have plenty to not waste. Then you eat your kids’ candy on top of that. Look, I don’t make the rules.

So the next time you’re feeling bad when you sneak a Snickers out of your kids’ candy, remember you’re not alone. Apparently you’re in the majority of candy-taxing Halloween parents.