Of the many bones to can pick with adulthood, one of the most frustrating is the cost.
Once you grow up and are ushered into the wonderful world of being a grown-up, it’s like all of a sudden money runs the show. Food costs money, housing costs money, almost everything costs and it’s incredible the amount that goes out in relation to what comes in.
Oh how I long for the days when a fiver meant I had the world at my fingertips. I could literally buy all that AND a bag of chips.
Those were the days.
Now it seems like every moment I’m breathing is a good time to pick my pocket. Not to mention the amount I hemorrhage out freely while online shopping or trying to chase a good time.
As a parent, your bank account gets doubly screwed. Lessons, food, events, and replacing broken shit- these are just a few of the ways that procreating can fuck your bank balance.
When it comes to money we all want more, but the boring-ass drudgery of adulthood makes us seek cheap thrills. And these thrills add up quickly. Everything costs money, and I just can’t quit spending it. Or eating. Anything to avoid feeling my feelings really.
15 Funny Tweets About How Expensive Life Is
1. Your return policy sucks balls.
Me: Lost and found? Just thought I'd try again to see if anyone had turned in the $500 I lost there.
Casino employee: Ma'am, it was a slot machine and please stop calling.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) June 18, 2020
2. SHIT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, RANDOM WEBSITE!
People will buy literally anything if you put it in a box and ship it to their door.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 14, 2020
3. Your checking account called and wants you realize that now it’s gotta be Halloween all year.
Don't waste money on seasonal horseshit
Don't waste money on seasonal horseshit
Don't waste m- omg look jack-o-lantern tea towels!
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 13, 2017
4. Pffft who needs those spirits anyways *flushes more money down the drain*
I like to keep all the lights on in my house to ward off spirits, such as “Savings on the Electricity Bill,” and “Extra Vacation Money.”
— Megan Rikas (@MegsHAUSTED) May 19, 2018
5. Get a pet they said. It will be cheaper than kids they said.
Just called the vet to schedule my dog for his shots. I asked for an estimate and they transferred me over to their mortgage department.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 7, 2020
6. So SO lucky.
Do all wives have the superpower of spending money or is my husband just lucky?
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) January 14, 2020
Me: *makes $300 credit card payment*
Also me: *celebrates by charging $175 facial and $125 pair of boots*
— The Mommy Memeoirs (@mommymemeoirs) November 21, 2019
8. File this under “things that should definitely exist”.
The witnesses protection program, but for when I've spent way too much money and my husband finds out about it.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 7, 2016
9. If it’s cute then it’s worth the money. That’s just science.
Me [online shopping]: How cute is this teapot?
Husband: *couldn’t possibly care less*
Me: oh and it’s only $50
Me: *typing in credit card number* what?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 24, 2018
10. Adulthood is the original thrill ride.
Heck yes I want to spend all the Christmas money on a new washer & dryer and call it "our gift to ourselves."
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 17, 2016
11. All that money I would have wasted on produce I now waste on foot lingerie from Wish.
My New Years goal was to stop wasting money on produce that rots untouched in my fridge until I finally toss it.
Considering I haven’t even been to the grocery store once this year, I’d say I’m pretty much nailing it.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) January 6, 2020
12. Cheap AND Divine.
And God said "let there be light" and His dad saw this and said "turn it off, you're wasting money"
— The Dad (@thedad) April 23, 2019
13. Why spend money when you could just generate garbage?
Three of my kids just fought over a sheet of bubble wrap, which means we’re probably wasting our money on toys & future college educations.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 28, 2017
14. That would be the best, really.
I just don't understand why I can't have unlimited money.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 21, 2020
15. It’s the worst. Send help!
i'm wasting so much money by being alive
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 28, 2017
So here’s to life!
A very expensive ride that may or may not be worth it. Depends which day you’re asking, really.