Now we’ve all heard the stories that Amazon is a big evil corporation, however we cannot seem to resist the siren call of low, low prices and same day delivery. Convenience is a drug, baby, and we’re all hooked! Although we all want to be the types of people to not support a greedy capitalist conglomerate propped up by questionable working conditions and knock-off products, we still manage to sit around on a Tuesday night clicking “add to cart” like it’s our fucking job. Lordt have mercy.
So although unquestionably problematic, we continue our unholy addiction to Amazon, stuffing our carts with batteries, and gardening supplies, and dildos, and harem pants, and any number of other things that somehow we’re able to buy ALL IN THE SAME PLACE?! Whilst in our underpants at home eating chips straight out of the bag?! WHAT SORCERY IS THIS??
The scourge of Amazon addiction is widespread as fuck. Especially among those of us with kids, bleeding our bank accounts and forcing us take each moment one convenience at a time. We’ll try to do better, but until then, lay it on me Prime!
16 Hilarious Tweets About Our Unholy Reliance on Amazon
1. It’s the next best thing, really.
Who needs happiness when you can have Amazon Prime
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 17, 2017
2. Through sickness, health, and… massive credit card overspending?
Getting married is easy, staying married when all of your drunken midnight Amazon purchases show up on your husband’s day off is not.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 23, 2020
3. That must come with Prime
My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 22, 2020
4. It’s like a little surprise party for your bank balance.
“Oh, I forgot I ordered this.”
-every time I open an amazon box
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) August 28, 2018
5. Too bad it wasn’t an add-on…
I went out with a girl who works at Amazon. Now she won't stop sending me pictures of girls I might like going out with.
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) June 21, 2020
6. And boy is it getting JACKED!
People are all like “Here’s 97 ways to stay fit during quarantine!”
I’ll tell ya what… the only thing around here getting a workout is the credit card and the amazon account.
— Mom and Buried (@momandburied1) June 21, 2020
7. IDK, this feels a LOT like love.
Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have told the UPS driver that I loved him when he delivered my Amazon order, but it felt right in the moment.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) September 22, 2019
8. Technically super accurate.
"Mommy, what's Amazon Prime?"
"Oh, sweetie, that's what they named Headquarters of Santa's workshops."
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 24, 2016
9. ‘Tis the circle of a pragmatic life.
One minute you’re young and carefree and another you’re reading non slip sock reviews on Amazon.
— VodkaAndStringCheese (@VodkaAndCheeze) February 5, 2020
10. You’re gonna have to kill me first, bro.
Waiter: can I take your order?
Me: [clutching my Amazon package] you most certainly CANNOT
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) May 12, 2020
11. The “Target Effect” is real, yo.
Amazon is like a digital Target in the sense that I log on to grab a $20 tripod and suddenly my cart total is $137. How?
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) March 17, 2017
12. They look great collecting dust on my counter, thanks.
I order a lot of beauty products on Amazon for someone who's been wearing the same hoodie every day for 2 solid months.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 7, 2017
13. Talk about direct delivery.
Feels like it might be easier to just build one of those vacuum tube things from Amazon to my house at this point
— dammit B! (@dadlifememes) June 16, 2020
14. This shaves so much time off my impulse buys.
Husband: I need your credit card to buy something off Amazon.
Me: I have it memorized, ready?
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 30, 2015
15. Ope, aaaaaand there it is.
No one tells you you're old. You have to come to the realization yourself while reading Amazon reviews for light bulbs
— The Dad (@thedad) June 17, 2019
16. Fuggin’ magic I tell ya!
My daughter's godmother doesn't have a magic wand, but she does have an Amazon Prime account.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 25, 2015
If anything, these tweets should make you see how we’re all in the same boat… The boat that was purchased with 1-click that took 3 business days to arrive alongside a 6 pack of BIC lighters as an add-on item.