There’s the saying “Strike while the iron’s hot”, however, most of us know that that sentiment doesn’t apply when it comes to taming the beav’ in public. Most of us, EXCEPT a certain woman who’s forced Ikea’s hand into obtaining more security, thanks to a viral video from China of her pleasuring herself all over the furniture giant’s assorted chairs and KLIPPAN loveseats.
The videos were taken in an Ikea store somewhere in China, and the mystery woman can be seen half-dressed and orbiting Venus while the other customers just carry on looking for cheap rugs and plants destined to die in a fortnight in the background.
While the video has been removed by Chinese social media, there are some stills etc. that can still be found, and Ikea responded swiftly to this hot-button issue. They stated that further measures would be taken when it comes to security, and they denounced the self-guided tour the woman took all over their goods. Local police were notified.
It’s still unknown when this incident occurred. Although the star of the show was clearly celebrating Palm Sunday, the lack of masks on other customers appearing in the video suggest that this occurred prior to the global outbreak of the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic.
Now I know that bitches do be loving Ikea, but there’s a line, people. Sure, that minimalist decor at reasonable prices with exotic names might make your basement smoke alarm give a few toots, but it’s important to keep in mind that we live in a society. You can’t just play downstairs DJ anytime you catch the urge to DIY. Save it for when you need to release the frustration of fiddling with 37 little dowels in a particle-board cabinet set with 38 holes (giggity).
Reports suggest that in China folks can end up in some pretty hot water for public nudity and for uploading “obscene content” to the Internet. This woman, if caught, might just wind up paddling the pink canoe right into detention, along with receiving some hefty fines.
Let this serve as a warning to anyone who finds themselves lured by the siren song of cheap meatballs and RASKOG utility carts. Although Ikea is a magical place to spend a fine lil’ Sunday, ’tis no place to play five-on-one and get off (nice) scot-free.