By Samantha Wassel of Between the Monkey Bars
The final season of the popular HBO series Game of Thrones airs on April 14th, and it sounds like Winter isn’t the only thing that’s going to be (ahem) coming in Westeros.
That’s right, people, WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO SEE SOME DRAGON FUCKING.
Earlier this week, series creator David Benioff dropped the major bombshell while addressing rumors that Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons will all be dead by the end of the series:
“As for their demise, I’m not going to give anything away at this time,” he told reporters. “The fans are just going to have to watch. But I will say this: Those dragons are going to play a huge role in these last episodes. They’re going to be pretty busy. Pretty busy getting busy, if you know what I mean.”
Oh, we’re pretty sure we know what you mean, dude. But just for kicks and giggles, let’s speculate a bit here, shall we? As fans may recall, Daenerys (aka Mother of Dragons, aka Badass, aka Woo, Feminism!) hatched and raised three of the mythical creatures early on in the series. She gave them uber meaningful names that we don’t care about just now, but will mention for the sake of clarity: Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion.
Last season, we saw Viserion die and take on a new role as the Night King’s official Ice Bitch. That probably means Viserion won’t be partaking in the dragon fornicating festivities, because who wants to fuck a corpse? Fuck in front of a corpse, sure. (We’re looking at you, Cersei and Jamie, and the nasty-nasty you did at Joffrey’s funeral.) But an actual dead body? Brrrr. Don’t think so. We’re guessing dragons like it hot (Sorry, we had to).
That leaves Rhaegal and Drogon. And it’s not unreasonable to believe that the two remaining living dragons would turn to each other for comfort sex in the wake of their brother’s death. After all, isn’t that what Cersei and Jamie did when that motherfucking sociopath son of theirs died?
The move actually makes sense, from both a plot and production standpoint. Game of Thrones has always been known for its epic epicness, along with lots of sex. Why not combine those two elements with some majorly epic dragon screwing?
After all, we’re fairly certain the dragons are just about the only characters left that haven’t been shown fucking yet. And sure, they’re siblings, but are we really going to question incest at this point? Honestly, we’re kind of surprised it didn’t happen sooner.
Take, for instance, a few seasons back, when Mama Dragon put her kids in timeout in that dungeon in Meereen because Drogon got caught barbecuing the local human children. You’d think being locked up in captivity with no physical outlet would make those scaly suckers hornier than the Night King’s head, but they never got down and dirty in that place that was—quite literally—down and dirty.
Perhaps the show’s producers just wanted to save it for the final season. You know, go out with a bang? A grand-scale bang. Or a scaly grand one, depending on how well Mama Daenerys has imparted her wisdom in the art of pleasuring a partner.
We contacted George R.R. Martin, author of the book series on which the show is based, shortly after the news broke to learn his thoughts on the matter.
“I had no idea this is where the producers were going,” he said. “To be honest, I’ve been pretty detached from the show. I’m still working on thinking about maybe sketching out the drop cap in the first word of the first sentence of the first chapter of my next book.
“But I’m digging this idea of dragon fucking. Maybe I can work that in somewhere.
“Into my book, not my life,” he clarified when we eyed the oblong dragon statue perched on his writing desk.
We’re just happy those poor creatures are finally going to get some. We’d imagine it’s pretty lonely (and a tad embarrassing) being the only virgins left in Westeros.
About the Author
Samantha Wassel is an Army Wife and SAHM to three energetic boys and three lazy AF cats. She enjoys running, writing, kettle-belling, reading, nerding out, and eating exorbitant amounts of goat cheese and Peanut Butter Halo Top ice cream (but not together, because barf). You can find more of her work at Between the Monkey Bars.