A 20 year-old man in Florida has been arrested and ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation after sexually assaulting two plush toys in a St. Petersburg Target.
According to reports, witnesses saw Cody Meader take a large stuffed Olaf off the shelves, proceeding to “dry hump” it right in the middle of the store in front of God and all the rest of the good people of Florida.
If you aren’t familiar, Olaf is the snowman character from the Disney Frozen films. According to the films, Olaf “likes warm hugs” and believes that “some people are worth melting for.”
But not like this. For the love of everything that’s decent, never like this.
Once *ahem* finished, bro unloaded on the doll, used his shirt (!) to “clean” up, then decided his wiener was still a bit peckish, and proceeded to select a unicorn plushy to also give the business to.
A double dip? In a pandemic, honey? I could think of at least 15 more productive things to with that kind of energy.
Meader was arrested for his literal fuckery and charged with criminal mischief. Much like this story, that term sounds a lot more cute and naughty than the SWEET JESUS NO STOP reality of what happened here.
According to Crime Online he admitted he “nutted on Olaf” (NOOOOO) and also has a history of this kind of thing. Hey, when nature calls it fucking hollers, amirite? Clean up, aisle this guy.
If you’re a Florida shopper, no need to panic. Word is the plushies were destroyed; first their innocence was by Meader, and then they were physically taken out to pasture by Target so that they wouldn’t end up in the hands (or groin) of any other customers.
Considering this wasn’t Meader’s first rodeo when it comes to stuffing the local stuffies, the psych evaluation was probably a good call. The results will determine how the case will proceed, based on whether or not he’s deemed fit to stand trial.