It sounds good, right? Getting away, losing yourself in travels. Maybe getting a hotel, getting a little chlorinated in a pool with towels you don’t need to wash. Not working, getting away from the mind-numbing daily grind. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Ordering in and not doing dishes. No washing bedding. No nosy neighbors peeping in on your bullshit.
Oh, it sounds so good.
The truth is that in most cases, the idea of a vacation is far superior to the reality of being on vacation. This is doubly true for families. If you’re a parent, then vacation isn’t vacation at all because you’re bringing the stress with you. Because as a parent, there are no vacations from the dirty diapers, temper tantrums and epic screaming matches over shoes. Sorry, it’s the truth.
Now, we do it anyway, because we are ever full of hope. Parents are the original eternal optimists, because we will be damned if we are putting our lives on hold until these kids learn to act right. Real talk, it’s going to take forever. We just don’t have that kind of time. So we bring them with and hope for the best. Then spend our vacation fantasizing about those ones you see on T.V.
Here’s what the funny parents of Twitter have to say about the joys of vacation!
1. It’s better minus the kids
Summer vacation would probably be a little more relaxing if these kids were vacationing somewhere else.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 20, 2017
2. Anything can be a vacation if you follow your heart
My kids want to go on a family camping trip this summer, but I don't know how to do that so we're going to Target.
— Mama Needs a Nap by Lauri Walker (@MamaNeedsa_Nap) June 6, 2019
3. They’re the best *cries*
Family vacations are great if you ignore all the money you spend and sex you don’t have.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) June 10, 2018
Who called it a "family vacation" and not a "guilt trip"?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 25, 2017
5. We never get the true getaways we deserve
A vacation would be nice but what I really need is a complete nervous breakdown.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 28, 2017
6. In this episode of “Hoarders Across the Globe”
I gained 10 pounds on vacation. 8 of those pounds were in my purse.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 23, 2018
7. Plan ahead? Bitch, I’m on vacay
Me: I’m not going grocery shopping before we leave on vacation
Me, upon returning home: WHY THE FUCK ISN’T THERE ANY FOOD IN THIS HOUSE
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) June 26, 2018
8. My vacation biceps are on point
Me: *wears same bra weeks at a time and rotates between three outfits
Me, packing for vacation: *fills suitcase with 16 outfits and three different types of bras, "just in case"
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) August 10, 2018
9. I feel attacked
Honestly summer vacation finesses all of us. You think you’re gonna be taking awesome road trips, making decent money, and take part in a great social life. But in reality u only have $13 after working 40 hrs a week, talk to the same 2 people all summer, and go to bed by 10 pm
— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) June 6, 2019
10. Unpacking just isn’t fun, though
If you don't leave your suitcase in the middle of the room for at least a month after your trip, did you even go on vacation?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 11, 2017
11. Thanks a lot, kids
Vacations with kids are fun cuz you get to spend a fortune to hear about their boredom.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) February 15, 2016
12. MAKING MEMORIES, LOL
Them: Hope you’re enjoying vacation!
Me: If by enjoying vacation you mean I want to strangle everyone by lunch than yes! We totally are!
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) July 1, 2018
13. Worry about your future ass later
Will you remind post-vacation-me that we're out of toilet paper b/c pre-vacation-me says, "screw it. I'm on vacation."
She's such a bitch.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) July 10, 2016
14. Too real
"Wow, I could really use a break."
-me, after packing my family of 5 for vacation
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) June 5, 2018
15. Wow it’s the gift that just keeps giving
The only souvenir I got from our family vacation was more gray hair.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 11, 2018
16. Living on the edge
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) July 8, 2018
17. She’s not wrong
Vacation with kids is really just a relocation for all the yelling and whining.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) August 2, 2015
18. 10 out of 10 kids give it rave reviews
WiFi by the water is a family vacation.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 30, 2018
19. So soothing
Listening to my kids argue on vacation is just like being at home except I have an ocean view.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 7, 2016
20. Those are magical moments
Now, you're going to hear some arguing, see some crying, & learn some bad words. But remember kids, that's what family vacations are about.
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) August 10, 2016
21. *Calls a cab in the dead of night*
This mommy needs a vacation from her vacation.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) July 5, 2015
22. Just. One. Bite
Vacation: so my husband and I can beg the kids to eat their dinner in a more exotic, expensive location.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) July 5, 2018
Summer Vacation: Day 10 pic.twitter.com/GffYQemUA6
— RachRiot (@RachRiot) June 19, 2017
Vacations can be fun, or they can be relaxing, but if you’re a parent, they can be neither
Just kidding, some vacations aren’t so bad. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, a lot of those memories you’re making can suck, too. And that’s ok!