While we aren’t out of the WTF woods in this new year, at least we can rely on the fact that some things just are as comforting and familiar as your nasty old college t-shirts… things like parenting! The world could literally cease turning and your kids would still not have one solitary fuck to give unless it fucked with their Goldfish distribution schedule.
So while we may still be sitting at home, waiting and searching for an end to all this pandemic/political madness craziness, at least we can have a laugh at the shit that parenting life throws at us. Because our forever motto once we have kids is “WE LAUGH SO WE DON’T CRY!”. And that’s some energy we can bring with us to the rest of life, because shit’s WILD y’all.
15 Hilarious Tweets from Parents in January
1. Whew, that was a close one!
I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 14, 2021
2. Yes child, listen to your heart.
Me: You haven't started your homework yet?!
8-year-old: I have a good reason.
8: I didn't want to.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 25, 2021
3. After a hundred-teen years in quarantine I think we’re all on our way.
The toddler took off his pants, opened the patio door, and threw them outside shouting “no!”
May we all live this boldly.
— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) January 12, 2021
4. Oops my bad, must have gotten you mixed up with some other argumentative little munchkin that’s carrying my genes.
Me: so no arguments
5: why do you say that?
Me: well sometimes you’re a little argumentative
5: no I’m not
— Melissafent on the Hillifent (@awkwardenabled) January 26, 2021
5. SO MUCH TIME. SO MUCH. HELP!
Be kind to everyone you meet. You don’t know how much time they’ve had to spend with their family.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 19, 2021
6. May we all believe our own bullshit this fiercely.
I wish I had the self-confidence of a toddler denying that they are pooping
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 27, 2021
7. Teens just want to be hypothermia-cool.
I hope my friends don’t find out I own a coat.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 6, 2021
8. Welcome to a long life full of disappointments.
My son is sobbing because we told him Nipple isn’t a good name for a puppy
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 2, 2021
9. BECAUSE IT CERTAINLY FEELS THAT WAY!
Can you die from being, "Hey, Mommy?"-ed all motherfucking day?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 20, 2021
10. Seriously, I don’t take shit from anyone except my delightful little blessings.
you can’t tell me what to do. you’re not my 3 year old.
— dan (@dadopotamus) January 2, 2021
11. *Cries in social isolation*
“Once Covid is over” is starting to sound a lot like “once I lose these last 5 lbs”.
— Gila Pfeffer (@Gilapfeffer) January 25, 2021
12. Gosh it’s so fun to have all this extra shit taking up space while they stay glued to the screen.
I’m so glad I bought my kid all those Christmas presents so she can sit here and watch other kids play with toys on YouTube
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 5, 2021
13. Baby fists are like chubby adorable little vices.
The person who coined the phrase “Like taking candy from a baby” obviously never tried taking shit from a baby
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) January 5, 2021
14. At this point, I’d be willing to give it a shot. Can’t hurt, right?
Do you think 2021 will chill if we start throwing melatonin gummies at it?
— MomOf1AndDone (@momof1anddone_) January 7, 2021
15. You know the way… and if you don’t you’ll be schooled!
Get married so you can argue about the correct way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 15, 2021
January might be gone, but it certainly won’t be forgotten.
Make sure and share this shit because we could all use a little belly chuckle in these most neverending of unprecedented times!